You may think if they cheat once, they’ll do it again. But is that really true? Here’s the truth behind their infidelity-filled past.
There was a time I never would have considered dating someone who cheated. I was disgusted by the very idea of it. But as time went on and I started seeing different people with different pasts, I realized you can’t put a label on someone without knowing the whole story.
Yes, cheating is a horrible betrayal, and it should make any person a tad bit wary of starting a relationship with someone who has done it in their past. However, it should never be the sole reason you dismiss them completely from your life.
If they cheat once, won’t they do it again?
The common belief held by most people is that a person will cheat again if they’ve done it before. That’s where the saying, “Once a cheater, always a cheater,” originates. But is this really true? I myself have a hard time believing every person who has been unfaithful will ALWAYS do so forever.
For that reason, I’ve put together a list for you on why the phrase, “Once a cheater, always a cheater,” should be put to rest for good and how you can deal with dating someone who was unfaithful in their past.
#1 There could be more to the story. Although cheating isn’t acceptable under any circumstances, there are some cases that make a little more sense. Maybe their last partner was abusive and they didn’t feel they could leave them.
You never know the details of their last relationship, and it’s not fair to base your feelings for them off of something they did in the past. Maybe they only cheated once and then left. You never know!
#2 If they told you, they won’t do it. Generally speaking, if you found out about their unfaithful past from them, you really don’t have a whole lot to worry about. They’re being open and honest with you and not hiding anything.
They’re fully aware telling you this detail about themselves may cause you to look at them differently and even leave them, so they are really trying to air out the past in order to move forward. Let them.
Besides, who would tell you they’ve cheated if they plan to cheat? It’s like calling the cops before robbing a bank. It doesn’t make sense! [Read: You only cheated once – Should you tell them?]
#3 If you trust them, then TRUST them. If your gut is telling you that you can trust them, then listen to it. Even if you know about their last relationship mishap, if you feel like you can trust them to not cheat again, then don’t label them as, “Once a cheater, always a cheater.”
#4 They were immature at the time. Think about when they cheated. It could’ve been when they were in high school or early college. Most people at this time are too immature to be serious about anyone, leading them to make bad decisions.
If it’s been a really long time and they haven’t been unfaithful since, you can assume their immaturity at the time is what caused the cheating, and you don’t have to worry about that anymore. [Read: Why do men cheat? 3 real reasons and 27 silly excuses]
#5 They were insecure for some reason. I know it sounds silly; insecurity leading to someone scoring another person. But when people feel insecure-for whatever reason-they cheat because it makes them feel a lot better.
If you make them feel secure in themselves and you love them for them, they’re not going to need to seek approval from others. Maybe their past partner made them feel inadequate and it lead to being unfaithful.
#6 They didn’t have real feelings for them. This kind of goes along with being too immature. If they didn’t have real feelings for someone, then the remorse isn’t present enough to make them rethink their infidelity.
If they’ve developed real feelings for you and things are serious, they’re not going to skip out on you and hook up with the next hot person that walks in the door.
#7 They’ve learned their lesson. Most likely, they’ve learned by now cheating is wrong and won’t do it again. For the majority of people, cheating leads to a LOT of guilt and nobody wants to feel guilty all the time.
Dealing with a previous cheater
If you know the person you’re seeing slipped up and cheated on their past partner, your insecurities might be running a little high and your trust running a little low. Here are some of the best ways to deal with dating a previous cheater.
#1 Set boundaries. Come right out and tell them cheating is a HUGE no-no in your book and if they do it, you’re gone. End of story. Set those standards and leave them there. They will respect someone who is set in their ways and follows through with what they say.
#2 Communicate often. If you’re feeling like they’re being a little shady and your trust is wilting because of it, you need to tell them. More than likely, they’ll reassure you everything is all right, and they’ll probably be more communicative about what they’ve been up to.
#3 Don’t judge them on their past. I know it’s really hard, but try to forget about their past. Everyone should have a clean slate when it comes to a new relationship and you should give them that. You wouldn’t give up on them now because they once had a mullet, would you?
#4 Ask for details. If you want to know more about their cheating incident, just ask for some details. Tell them it would make you feel better knowing the details surrounding the incident so you can really understand what happened. If they’re honest, they’ll be willing to share.
#5 Trust them. Have trust your new lover is going to treat you the right way. Trust them to be honest with you and don’t use their past as a way for them to lose your trust.
They’re with you now and not the person they cheated on. Everything is different, so trust they’ll be there for you and only you.
[Read: The real reason behind why people in happy relationships end up cheating]
None of these are excuses to cheat on anyone, but they do offer some insight as to why they might have done it and why they won’t do it again. Just remember, your new beau should not automatically fall under the “Once a cheater, always a cheater” stereotype.
