Drunk Texting: How to Avoid the Awkward Drama of Drunk Texts

Waking up to read the drama you created the night before drunk texting is about as fun as the walk of shame. Try these nine tricks to reduce the fallout.

Drunk Texting

What on earth did we do before smartphones and drunk texting? Quite arguably we experienced good relationships, didn’t make an ass out of ourselves, and didn’t make colossal mountains out of molehills. Back in the day, we stopped each other from calling people when drunk or getting behind the wheel of a car. Now, all we need to do is pick up our phones while no one watches and drunk text.
The best cure for a drunk text remains prevention. If you know you are headed out for the night to drink, it is always best to avert disaster by taking steps to stop yourself from doing something that could come back to bite you in the ass.
Try these nine tricks to stop yourself from drunk texting
Sometimes worse than waking up to do the walk of shame, picking up your phone in the morning to examine the fallout can be about as pretty as the way you acted the night before when the bar lights came on. These nine tricks help prevent the drama of drunk texting.
#1 Find your Jiminy Cricket. Who is Jiminy Cricket? Ask Pinocchio. Everyone needs a friend with only your best interest at heart. They won’t tell you what you want to hear. They definitely tell you what you need to hear. If you know shit may go down if you start to partake in the drink, make sure you assign someone to be your watch guard.
They don’t need to wear the badge of sobriety for the evening. They just need to know their job is to protect you from yourself. We all have that friend in our life to trust, turn to them to put an end to drunk texting! [Read: 20 crucial girl code rules for a less drama-filled life]
#2 Block callers. Imagine you go out, only planning for a good time. Just as you get into your groove, they decide to blow up your phone with some shit message meant to hurt and belittle you. Likely, they realize you’re out enjoying yourself and finding your freedom.
If they feel threatened by the fact that you can find a life of your own, their first instinct is going to be to distract your good time by texting you first to get a response. The best way to head it off and enjoy your evening alone? Block any calls from them.
At the end of the night, it solves all of your problems. You’re not upset by the fact they didn’t text you because you hold onto the belief they might have. And the best part, they won’t piss you off, or put a dent into your good time by saying something shitty or dragging you into drama. [Read: Texting etiquette – 20 unwritten rules of savvy flirting]
#3 Leave it at home. I know this sounds crazy. But you pry your eye open in the morning to find what? Nothing. Yep, you find your phone is nowhere to be found. You haven’t ruined anything. Or said anything silly to either make you feel stupid by disclosing too much, or by getting pissed and saying things you don’t mean.
No drunk texting, and you get to wake up with a clean slate, nothing bad said, nothing gained, nothing lost. Is there any better morning in life?
#4 Pre-type responses. We all know how some shots and a late night make us turn to the dark side. But if you know what you want to say and how things should go down to make for a happy ever after, even after a 2AM drunk fest, pre-write an “it’s okay we’re still cool,” or even an “I’m sorry” text.
That way, you send something in the wee hours of the night without the drama. When there is little thought process going on, you don’t have to think at all. All you have to do is press “send” for a happy morning ahead. [Read: How to avoid the awkward tension after an argument]
#5 Block your number on other people’s phone. If you are with the person who poses as the likely candidate for your drunk text, grab their phone on the way out. Then block your own number. Easy enough, no matter what you say to them, you created a roadblock barring the ugly or obnoxious getting through. The best defense against your drunken ugly thoughts.
You prevent mistakenly sending them a drunk text creating drama for weeks afterward. Like a personal assurance to your good behavior, simply block your own nonsense from getting where it doesn’t belong.
#6 Change the language on your phone before you head out for the night. Okay, this one may be a stretch. But it just may work. In the midst of doing lemon shots off of someone else’s face and what lies in your heart turns ugly, pick up your phone and change your language setting to something like Greek or Latin.
No matter what you send it sounds like gobbledygook. If your boyfriend or girlfriend doesn’t work for the CIA, you are probably good. They will just think you butt dialed. Hopefully, your level of inebriation prevents your understanding that what you type only means something to someone who speaks Chinese.
#7 Don’t drink when you are upset, go to see the one you love. Probably the most unrealistic and stupid suggestion but I have to throw it out there. Perhaps if you experience a hard time with your loved one and feel unsure how to communicate with them, you should not go out drinking, or worse, drunk texting.
Instead spend your time going to their place to make amends and to discuss your feelings. I know, stupid, and probably not my first choice, but I just thought as an adult I should throw it out there. [Read: How to fix a broken relationship – 15 ways to make it last]
#8 Change up phone numbers and contact info. I am not suggesting you are an idiot, or maybe I am, but I get so desperate at times and so messed up in my own thinking that I switch up people’s numbers. Then when they pop up, they confuse the person I am with and me. This is a special situation where you are dealing with more than one person in your life. There are times when the only time I hear from those people who aren’t good for me, or are downright toxic, is when one of us are drinking.
If you hide those contacts from the person you are with, and basically from your drunk self, then you have a harder time finding who need to text to get into trouble. If you are drunk enough, you most likely give up finding the contact number before you get into trouble, no? You gotta do what you gotta do.
#9 Read it out loud first—group consensus is always a good thing. No matter how much you drink, someone is soberer than you. If you want to make sure you don’t send something really stupid and end up jeopardizing your relationship, make sure you spend the time reading it over to someone around you.
If you hear what you plan to send and give someone the opportunity to tell you it is a bad idea, you decrease the likelihood of hitting send. Make a hush fall over the room and steal the spotlight if you need, just make sure before you press send, grab group consensus to know you aren’t doing something really harmful no matter what types of blowjob shots you downed for the evening. [Read: Partner in crime: 25 reasons why you need this friend]
We have all experienced that drunk moment where we think whatever we need to say is warranted and will be received in the way we mean it. We mistakenly think that drunk texting serves the purpose we hope for, but it rarely does.
[Read: 10 sober reasons why drunk sex is never a good idea]
Before you send out a drunk text, even in good feeling and silly intention, make sure what you send is what you mean. You may think it’s really funny or sweet, but there’s a slim chance the receiver may feel the same way!

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Julie Keating
A writer isn’t born, but created out of experiences. No lack of subject matter, my life reads more like fiction than anything that could have been imagined in...
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