Casual sex sounds like a myth. But it is very real, and very fun! Here’s a guide for having casual sex while keeping your mind and heart intact.
The benefits of sex are obvious. Humans are social creatures, we crave interaction with each other. Aside from that, sex is amazing. It keeps you fit, makes your skin glow and releases your endorphins.
It comes as no surprise that people love it. Some people are a bit more into sex than others, but the gist of it all is that sex makes you happy. There is a reason it’s the oldest hobby of all time. [Read:10 Best sex positions for beginners to instantly feel like a pro]
The issue, however, is that many people believe that in order to have sex, you need to be in a relationship first, and lots of cultures even require marriage before sex! While this kind of situation works for many, it does not work for everyone.
Lots of people aren’t comfortable committing to someone without knowing if they are sexually compatiable. Even more people just like sex, and aren’t interested in having only one sexual partner for their whole lives. [Read: 9 brilliant tips for having a casual relationship]
Enter, casual sex. The name itself sounds like an oxymoron. Sex is rarely casual– for many its the most intimate act there is. For this reason, casual sex is not recommended for virgins or those looking for a deeper emotional connection.
The dos and don’ts of casual sex
For the record, there is absolutely nothing wrong with waiting to until you are in love to have sex. There is also nothing wrong with being interested in fun, casual sex. The important thing is to not lie to yourself about what you want. If you agree to a casual sex relationship while secretly wanting more, you can get seriously hurt.
If you have had sex before, but not casual sex, you need to be aware of what you’re in for. Sleeping with someone just for fun might seem like an ideal situation, but there are still various risks involved. There are the obvious risks of STI’s and pregnancy.
Aside from the physical risks, casual sex also leaves you open for emotional risks. Depending on your state of mind and vulnerability, sleeping with someone makes you susceptible to deeper feelings that can be misconstrued for love and affection. Sex is a very intimate act, no matter what context it’s being done in.
Being prepared for the physical and emotional risks is necessary, if you want to have a casual romp in the sack. Just be sure that you can handle yourself, in case anything bad happens. Always have a support system, like trusted friends and family, a good medical insurance package and a whole lot of condoms. After that, you’re pretty much good to go. [Read: 25 rules of being friends with benefits]
I understand the consequences. Now show me where I can find a casual hookup
Finding someone to have casual sex with is shockingly hard for everyone. You will often hear people bitterly bemoaning how hard it is to get someone to sleep with them, and how easy women/rich people/hot people have it. This is a misconception– it turns out that finding a casual lay is hard for everyone, and it is always fraught with potential for rejection.
If casual sex is something you are really interested in doing, you need to have a thick skin. Your chances of getting an easy lay are dependent on your community’s openness to the idea, the input you put in, and how much rejection you are willing to deal with. [Read: Horny women: 17 signs to recognize a girl who’s looking for a hookup]
Location matters as well. If you’re in a big city, then you probably have about 300 possible prospects in one night alone.
Now, where do you find those people? Absolutely anywhere. The issue lies on whether or not they are interested in the same thing you are. So, here is the list:
1. Online dating
Online dating is either the best or the worst, depending on who you ask.
Several sites and apps are for finding love, and are full of people who actively dislike casual hookups.
That being said, lots of online dating is an easy way to bypass the dating stage in order to get to the hookup stage. Some people who use online dating still want to find relationships, but you will soon find that most of the ones who are active users are just in it for the hookup.
As for convenience, online dating cannot be beat. You can find someone who is a good match to what you are looking for in minutes, without even leaving the comfort of your home.
The added benefit of online dating is that, unlike meeting someone at a bar or the gym, you know what everyone is there for. So start swiping, and find your casual hookup today. [Read: 9 social media sites to use to get yourself a date]
2. Bars
As the old saying goes: if it isn’t broke, don’t fix it. People have been going to bars for hookups for years. These places are perfect for extroverts, and the low lighting combined with the high consumption of alcohol is a sure fire recipe for hookups.
Most people who go to bars are open to meeting new people. The setting is not as intense as it is in clubs. Themed bars are perfect as well. Karaoke bars have lots of girls. Sports bars have lots of guys. Finding a hookup there is dependent on your ability to give a winning opening line and closing the deal before your tab runs out. [Read: One night stand advice: 15 rules to make your hookup go a lot better]
But it is important to note that getting totally hammered is not a good way to find a casual hookup. For one thing, no one is at their most attractive when they are fall-down drunk. For another, alcohol majorly lowers inhibitions (and standards.) This means you might make a choice, or a few choices, that you would never make sober.
To prevent doing something you might regret, take it easy on the drinking when you are looking for a casual hookup.
3. Clubs
People who hang out in clubs have a tendency to get drunker than those who go to bars. If you want to find a hookup at a club, you have to start the initiation before your prospect becomes too wasted to remember your face and the concept of a hookup starts to enter the potential rape zone.
Remember– casual sex and a drink or two go together great. Casual sex and sloppy drunkeness do not. The good thing about being in a club is that your inhibitions disappear faster, which means that your chances of a hookup become higher. Just make sure everyone is sober enough to give full and enthusiastic consent. [Read: 14 ways to keep it classy at a party]
4. Twitter
The modern world is full of places to find potential hookups, including, surprisingly, twitter. The only catch is that you need to be an active user and not someone who uses it only to find dates.
It’s easy to say “Hi” by mentioning a person, but you can’t exactly ask them out without letting the whole world know. It’s best if you follow each other, so you can use Direct Messaging instead. You can also read through their tweets and see if they are funny or not.
5. Facebook
You already post your whole life on facebook– why not use it to find some casual sex? This method is convinent, but has a few drawbacks.
When using Facebook to find hookups, you risk divulging your whole life to a random person. They can easily see who your friends are and they can opt to judge you based on everything you’ve ever posted. The good thing about it is that you can do the same thing.
When hooking up with strangers, it’s better to know more about them before you do anything. Social media can really help with that. In addition if you have any mutual friends, you can ask them what they know about that person before you decide to go for it. [Read: How to stalk on social media & find just what you’re looking for]
6. The gym
It might seem like an innocuous place for hookups, but gyms are full of endorphin-pumped people of all ages and genders.
You can actually smell the sex appeal when you enter the building. Most people who come to the gym to workout want to do only that, which is respectable.
But if you are looking for a hookup, a little compliment here and there on someone’s abs might just get you a date for the evening. Just be sure to back off if it looks like the object of your affection isn’t interested. [Read: The step-by-step guide to getting yourself a f*ck buddy]
7. Weddings
Weddings are wildly romantic, for obvious reasons. Everyone is wearing their best and celebrating love. What could be sexier than that? All you need to do is feel for the right person and express your intentions subtly, but cordially. You’re at a wedding, after all.
Also, this one may seem obvious, but it’s worth double checking that your wedding hookup isn’t married themselves. As I said, people can get carried away at weddings.
8. The beach
The idea of finding sex at the beach is so popular that they even named a drink after it. Most single people go to the beach expecting a tropical tryst. The best part is that those people probably made their bodies beach-ready in time for their vacation. Hot people in hot climates always means a chance for something equally steamy.
9. Hobby groups
Looking for a fun fling, but not much of a drinker? Consider joining a hobby group to look for a hookup. You can join an active hikers group, or if indoor hobbies are more your thing, consider tabletop gaming or trivia.
People from all walks of life join these kinds of groups, and if none of them are looking for a casual hookup they might know someone who is.
10. Through friends
As with dating, one of the best ways to find a casual hookup is through your friends. This is more personal than online dating or picking someone up at a bar, because the person comes with the social credit of your friends approval.
Next time you and your friends are going to a party, ask around and see if they have anyone to recommend. You might be surprised!
[Read: How to have a great no strings attached relationship]
Regardless of the location, there’s always the off chance that you’ll meet someone you can form a sexual chemistry with. Just remember that when you do the deed, stay safe and keep in mind the consequences of casual sex.
