Couple Swap: First Timer’s Guide to Having Sex with Another Couple

You and your partner are thinking of spicing up your sex life with a couple swap. So, here are the pros and cons and guidelines for how to do it right.

couple swap

The norm states that you shouldn’t be sharing your partner with someone else. However, this unwritten rule has been thwarted, broken, bent, and ignored for centuries. So why not embrace a new norm and explore what’s out there with a couple swap?

If your partner is fully on board with it, sleeping with someone else does not make you a dirtbag cheater. Instead, it makes you an open-minded individual who isn’t afraid of the power of sex.

Many couples nowadays are experimenting with sex and intimacy through threesomes, open relationships, and swinging.

[Read: Non-monogamy and how to know if you and your partner are ready for it]

The difference between open relationships and swinging

Firstly, do not confuse the two. An open relationship means that both parties consent to their partners engaging in sexual activities with other people.

On the other hand, swinging is a lifestyle that embodies partners in committed relationships agreeing to the act of swapping partners with other couples. [Read: 20 open relationship rules you must know if you want to give non-monogamy a try and make sex exciting]

What kind of couple swaps and swinging do you like?

There are a couple of differences within the swinging lifestyle itself, known as a soft swap and a full swap. The former is when couples swap partners and engage in kissing and other sexual acts that do not involve penetration. [Read: What is a soft swap and how to ease your partner into the experience]

The latter is when penetration is involved. Do further research to figure out which one works better for the two of you.

Remember that there are many rules when it comes to the swinging lifestyle. Whether you head to a swinging club, sexy swingers event, or find a like-minded couple on Tinder or a dating app to get it on with, the most important rule is that swinging should not replace your current sex life.

You need to look at swinging as an added bonus that helps propel your sex life to another level.

If the only time you have sex is during your out-on-the-town swinging sessions, then you can safely say that you have a problem with your own relationship. Work on that first before attempting anything else. [Read: How to start swinging with your partner and meeting other like-minded people]

Pros and cons of a couple swap

As with anything, there are advantages and disadvantages to doing a couple swap. While it can be exciting and new, there are some things you need to keep in mind. But let’s start with the pros.

The biggest pros of a sexy couple swap

A couple swap is definitely exciting, and fun. It’ll give you a huge burst of sexual energy and make you and your partner feel like horny bunnies all over again!

1. It’s exciting and naughty

If you have always wanted to add some excitement to your sex life, doing a couple swap can definitely accomplish that goal.

It’s naughty, and most people don’t even think to do it. So, if you are the type of person who wants to live on the edge and not have to conform to society’s rules, then this could be a lot of fun for you as a couple. [Confession: My first accidental threesome with a woman we met while on vacation]

2. Allows you to act out your sexual fantasies

Maybe doing a couple swap has always been a fantasy of yours. Well, now is your chance to try it! Not only can you act out the fantasy of swinging, you can talk about sexual fantasies with the other couple as well.

You are not just limited to doing these with your partner. And maybe a person in the other couple will have the same fantasies as you do. [Read: The do’s and don’ts of swinging that you HAVE to follow]

3. Sexual variety

As much as you probably love your partner, sometimes being monogamous can get boring for some people. The same person year after year doesn’t let you explore a lot of variety.

So, what better way to add some spice than to do it with your partner and another couple?

4. Adventurousness

Not only do you get some variety in terms of people, but you can also try new things that you haven’t done with your partner – or that they don’t like or want to do.

Maybe you’ve always wanted to get wild and try S&M, but you can’t because your better half won’t let you. If you do a couple swap and one of them wants to try it too, then you have the best of both worlds. [Read: The top 50 kinky sex ideas worth experimenting at least once in your lifetime]

5. Allows you to tackle your fears

Let’s face it, humans are naturally jealous beings. And because of this, we usually want to keep our lovers to ourselves.

But if you do a couple swap, you will have to face your fears. You will have to deal with your jealousy and overcome it. But it is a safe space to do that, and you might be a better person because of it.

6. Enhances a happy couple’s relationship

If a couple is already happy, and they decide to do a couple swap, it could enhance and bond them even more.

The reason for this is because they are mutually agreeing to something that they both want to do. Plus, it’s sort of “taboo” in society, which makes them “partners in crime” and they have a little secret between themselves that no one knows about except the other couples who are participating. [Read: Does your wife want to sleep with another man? How to experience this fantasy together]

The scary cons of a couple swap most people don’t talk about

As fun as couple swaps are, whether accidentally on a drunken night, or a planned hookup on a dating app, it does come with its own share of disadvantages as well. So make sure you’re prepared to face these when you come across them.

1. You’ll have to keep it secret

As we just mentioned, because it’s “taboo,” not a lot of other people in your life will understand why you want to do a couple swap.

It’s just not something that most people want to do because they wouldn’t be able to handle it emotionally. So, you might have to keep it a secret from everyone else you know.

2. Partners may not always agree

How do you find a suitable couple for both of you? What if the man finds the other woman attractive, but the woman doesn’t find the other man attractive? Then what?

You have to find a couple where everyone is attracted to everyone else. And that’s not easy to do. [Read: The cuckold fantasy – What you both should know to give it a try in real life]

3. Finding couple swap partners

Another problem is finding people to do this with. You can’t just walk up to someone at a bar and say, “Hey, do you want to do a couple swap with us?”

You could probably go to the internet and find people, but it’s a bit risky.

4. Could take up a lot of time

If you decide to do this, it could take a lot of planning and time. It’s not like you can just have a quickie with your partner and be done with it. There might be parties to attend or simply getting schedules to sync up. [Read: The cuckquean experience – Do you like watching your man with someone else?]

5. Could ruin a relationship

While it can be a fun and exciting thing to do, jealousy can definitely rear its ugly head.

Sure, you can try to overcome the jealousy, but what if you can’t? What if one partner likes it and the other doesn’t? Those kinds of tensions can ruin a relationship. [Read: The most important open relationship questions to know if you BOTH are ready for it]

How to avoid complications a couple swap

Here are the most important couple swap and swinging tips for you to keep in mind, if you want unconventional sex, minus the drama that comes with it.

1. Agree to the lifestyle together

When you look at it from an unconventional point of view, sex can be treated and looked at as a hobby. Just like shooting hoops or baking a cake, it is something that you can do alone, with your partner, and with others.

Just remember that this lifestyle is something that both of you have to agree to. If not, it stands the risk of falling under the category of cheating. [Read: How to talk about sex without sounding like a pervert]

The hardest part of agreeing to the lifestyle together is broaching the subject for the first time. Whether swinging is yours or your partner’s brainchild, there is no denying that the very first conversation that the two of you have about it will be steeped in awkwardness.

Do not be surprised if shame, jealousy, and anger make an appearance. Once you get over the initial hurdle, things start getting much easier as both of you are now on board and will work together to source for the perfect swinging experience.

If your partner is hesitant about making the move to this lifestyle, be patient and do not even think about forcing them into it. This will invite resentment, insecurity and defensiveness, making it very difficult for your partner to ever clamber on board. [Read: 14 things to know to get your partner to open up and talk more about sex]

2. Lay down ground rules

Another way to preserve your relationship is to set the rules with your partner beforehand. Blurred lines and assumptions make one stunning recipe for disaster. Arguments will be bound to arise once jealousy rears its ugly head.

Although you and your partner are open to having sex with other couples, it does not change the fact that you are both human and your emotions will inevitably come into play.

An example of a rule that you can set together is agreeing that neither of you will indulge in a swinging outing without the other. You can also discuss the option of not having any contact with the other couple outside of swinging meet-ups.

Laying down the law when it comes to using protection, staying together at swingers parties and other related issues should also be discussed.

The more ground you cover together, the less likely one or both parties will start an argument and complicate the relationship. [Read: How to prepare for sex – 20 things you must do to enjoy it way more]

3. Invest in trust

Trust is a very important quality to have, if you want to partake in a swinging lifestyle without complicating your own partnership.

If you are the jealous type, start swinging by partaking in a tamer sort of swap, particularly one that involves just a soft swap, and see where it takes you from there.

Some couples take years before finally agreeing to a full swap, so do not worry if it takes you longer than expected to solidify the trust and go all the way. [Read: How to build trust in your relationship and learn to be loyal and loving]

4. Communicate often

Another way to keep your relationship from getting complicated is to communicate often with your spouse. Good communication is perhaps one of the most important things that you need to work on when you enter the world of swinging.

Speak incessantly about what the two of you are hoping to get out of swinging. Do not forget to communicate with your lover about the type of couple you would like to experiment with and so on. So long as you are prepared to compromise with your partner, everything will be just fine. [Read: How to compromise in a relationship and not feel like you lost out]

5. Do not couple swap with friends

A good way to keep your new lifestyle and relationship with your spouse intact is to never swap partners with friends.

Feelings may start developing, jealousy will inevitably come into play and before you know it, a falling out with these friends is bound to happen.

Trust us on this when we say that it is better to keep your friendships and sex life separate. Even better, be classy and keep your swinging lifestyle on the down-low. The last thing you want is for the whole neighborhood and their cousins to know what you and your spouse are up to. [Read: Unicorn hunting – how to find a third sexual partner and do it right]

6. Couple swap with seasoned couples

If you are new to the lifestyle and want to keep things as drama-free as possible, consider swinging with seasoned and experienced couples, at least at first. Not only will they show you the ropes, they will also share with you lifestyle tips that they have picked up along the way.

Just like starting anything new, it is always best to speak to an expert beforehand to get an idea of what to expect, and how to react when the unexpected crops up. [Read: Do you fantasize about cheating? The reasons why your mind goes there]

7. Bring home the eroticism

Finally, the best way to have sex with other couples without complicating your relationship is to bring home the eroticism and sensuality.

Remember that swinging is one of the many tools in life’s toolbox that you can use to keep your sex life fresh and exciting. The whole point of experiencing this unconventional lifestyle is so that you can take home these new experiences with you.

Whether you want to relive what you did or try out something new with your partner, ensure that you keep the sexual attraction between the two of you alive and well. [Read: 30 sexy ways to spice up your sex life and keep each other interesting]

Whether you like watching, being watched, experimenting with props, or just getting it on with someone else, doing a couple swap lets you do it all. Just remember that your relationship with your spouse is the most important one of all. If one of you gets uncomfortable, talk it through and come to an agreement on what to do next.

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Gemma Hsieh
Born in Singapore and raised in Canada to multi-racial parents, Gemma is a self-proclaimed travel and food junkie. Having traveled extensively around the world,...
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