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Texting Before the First Date: 15 Rules to Make Them Eager to See You

So, the day, time, and place are all booked? You’ve got a week to go until the first date, what should you be texting before the first date?

texting before the first date

Texting before the first date can be tricky or helpful, depending on how you play it. How many times have you agreed to a date and then leading up to it either:

– They had a change of plans.

– Cancelled at the last minute.

– Or even worse, totally forgotten about the date.

The first date is a slippery affair. It can also be counterintuitive–playing it too ‘by the books’ when you’re texting makes the other person think they’ve won you over, and there’s no challenge. But if you don’t text at all, they might assume you’re not serious about meeting.

[Read: 18 things you have to avoid doing on a first date if you don’t want to screw up]

You can set a day and time for the first date, and then that data comes and goes without either of you acknowledging it. That’s pretty bad.

Other times, you maintain a text conversation that builds a cool excitement in the days leading up to the first date. The date itself then feels like a climax rather than reviving the dead.

But, what are the best methods? Should you be talking a lot? Not talking? Talking a medium amount? How do you go about texting before the first date?

[Read: 30 first date rules for guys and girls that’ll make your date absolutely adore you]

Did you over-plan the first date?

Sometimes setting a formal date can make things feel pressured. Instead, build up conversation and banter. Letting a meeting emerge from your weekly schedules is best. This way, your time together feels less predictable. It presents an opportunity for you to get to know each other.

But that isn’t always so easy. Some people need to know more about you before a first date. Others want to go in blind. If you are planning a first date down to the minute, you could be putting a lot of pressure on something that should be more casual.

This can freak people out. Guy or girl, too much planning early on can make you seem overly eager. You don’t want to seem desperate or in need of companionship without caring who the other person is.

Getting to know each other on the first date is key. Put tons of extra effort n once you know there are real feelings there, not before. [Read: How to text someone when you want to make the first move]

Texting before a scheduled first date

Sometimes you both have busy lives, so a spur-of-the-moment date just can’t happen. In this case, scheduling a time in advance really is the sensible way to go about it.

So, if you have a date planned a week or so in advance, how do you go about texting before the first date? Do you send funny memes? Or do you keep getting to know each other? Or do you stay silent until the day of?

1. Keep the plan simple

If your date is a little hesitant or nervous about meeting the first time, you don’t want to give them the feeling that the first date will be a regimented affair or that they must follow some extravagant plan. You don’t want to make them or yourself any more anxious.

Instead, keep it light. Don’t have things planned perfectly. Have a loose plan.


Your date: ‘So, where are we going?’

You: ‘Let’s meet at *your favorite restaurant*. We’ll grab a drink and get dinner if we’re hungry.’

Your date: ‘Ok, sounds cool… see you Thurs.’ [Read: 30 fun first date ideas that will leave them wanting so much more]

2. Don’t talk too much

The previous example illustrates this rule too. Go for the short and sweet messages. And once you set the logistics, don’t push.

The more you text someone before a first date, the more it can feel like you are trying to keep them interested. This is not always true, but it’s a general rule of thumb.

They have already going to meet in person, so you don’t want to hound them. You don’t need to be mysterious but definitely lay off constant texting. Message something completely non-date-related or fun: a meme, some observation. This should be enough to show that you are still interested, but it isn’t over the top. [Read: 20 flirty ways to text your crush and keep them interested]

3. Checking in

Try to avoid texts like, ‘how you doing this morning?’ because that just seems too personal before a first date. Sometimes any questions can seem too date-like before you’ve actually met.

Once the first date has been arranged, remind them to save the date in their calendar by jokingly saying, you don’t want to be stood up again or saying, ‘If one of us is late, drinks are on them.’ This is a playful way to show you value your time. [Read: How to make someone laugh over text and be a fun texter everyone loves]

4. No sexting

Do not be overtly sexual before you’ve ever met. That means no dick pics, no nudes, and you may even want to stay away from the topic entirely. You never know how sensitive someone is to discussing sex, whether it’s a joke or not.

Unless sex is your one and only intention for meeting up, give that intimacy some time to form. There is no need to rush it if you want to make a genuine connection. [Read: How to get lucky on the first date – 15 secrets to get laid]

5. Indirectly text an hour before


– ‘Hey, running like 15 minutes late, sorry.’

– ‘Hey, I’ll meet you outside of the entrance next to McDonald’s. Catch you soon.’

These indirect messages an hour before remind your date of the plan without being pushy or needy. If there’s no reply, or if you want to be more direct, say: ‘How are you doing for time?’

This is a subtle way to show confidence but also get some clarity. A first date makes you nervous enough when they do show up. Making sure they will be there shouldn’t be complicated. [Read: How to avoid getting stood up on a date]

6. Tell 30-40% or less

You haven’t met, so getting to know each other better might seem like the way to go. If you learn about each other now, maybe the date won’t seem so awkward, and you’ll have plenty to talk about.

But, this can go horribly wrong. Sharing too much via text before a first date can turn someone off or cause a misunderstanding that never would have happened in person.

You want the chemistry to speak for itself when you first meet. And if you don’t feel it, you want some small talk to make things less weird. If you’ve covered all those topics while texting, the date will be dull.

Worse, talking too much before a first date builds up this perfect expectation. Then when you meet, you are too anxious or disappointed to be open to something other than what you expected.

Instead, offer up 30-40% about yourself, so your date isn’t too anxious about meeting a stranger. This is just enough for comfort and intrigue but not so much that you have preconceived notions about each other. [Read: 7 stages of first date panic and how to quell them]

7. Don’t psychoanalyze the person over text

If they seem reasonably normal and there are no major warning signs, don’t call on whether your personalities suit one another. Of course, it’s more important to do some digging just so that you both feel safe with the person *and meet somewhere public*.

But it’s hard to get a read on who someone is, even in person. Doing so over text is an exercise in disappointment.

It’s a strange experience to have a massive profile built up about someone before the first date. Not knowing too much beforehand, let’s the date become an exploratory experience.

8. Don’t pretend

Don’t be overly clever or sarcastic through text before the first date. It’s been like pretty much setting you up to have to act a role on the date itself.

If you try too hard over text, you’ll need to carry that out in person. If that isn’t you, it will be awkward. Instead, stop trying to impress them. Be yourself and let them be pleasantly surprised by your sense of humor, confidence, worldliness in person.

When you make a chilled first impression over text and then know you can go in chilled on the first date without confusing your date about who you are in person via over text. You want to get your date’s attention and keep it, but not so much that you feel you need to live up to this act you’ve created. [Read: First date nerves – 18 ways to be super chill and calm and not be nervous for a date]

9. Keep it short and sweet

This one goes without saying unless you deliver some important logistical information.

Sending long text messages to someone before you know them well can be a sign of large-scale naivety to social norms. Although long texts can be a regular occurrence for friends or partners, it can be too much too soon for before a first date. [Read: How long should a first date last? Your guide to timing it right]

Texting before the first date is like the formalities before a courtly dance. Being overeager makes the other person think you’re likely to trip over your own feet.

But a brief nod and smile tells them you’re a confident mover. When your turn to pair up eventually comes, you’ll get to find out how well you move together.

10. Video chatting

Video chatting is something a lot of people think is a no-no before a first date. It can make things weird and through off the vibe. But, it can be exactly what others need to feel comfortable in this modern world of dating.

When it comes to texting before a first date, you want to be safe and thorough. You don’t want to meet a catfish.

You can plan a first date to be a video chat. Having coffee together for a half-hour before you are set to have dinner later that night can make things feel more relaxed when you do meet eventually. This way you know no one is lying about who they are, and you can get a feel for how you vibe with each other.

If you feel uncomfortable with that, then you can get on FaceTime just before you leave your place to wave hello and a ‘see you soon.’ That way, the call lasts less than a couple of minutes, and it’s a smooth start as well! [Read: How to be relaxed on a date and confidently feel like yourself]

11. Don’t get too personal

It is easy to open up to people over text. In fact, it can be easier than doing it in person. When you feel like you’ve clicked with someone over text before a first date, you just want to get comfortable.

You may want to share how you’ve been cheated on or why you’re on a dating app. This is all fine, but getting too in-depth now can scare your date off.

Although talking about your past is a great way to get to know each other, too much too soon is a lot for anyone to swallow. You are in the flirting and feeling each other out stage. Wait until you meet at least to discuss things that you wouldn’t have with your own parents. [Read: How to make small talk and talk to anyone without feeling awkward]

12. Share dealbreakers

You don’t need to talk about your in-depth deal-breaker like not being a great communicator, but the simple things should be tossed out now so that no one’s time is wasted.

You don’t want to be in the middle of a first date only to find out your date does something you cannot get on board with.

Whether it is smoking or drinking or they are a hardcore vegan while you’re a butcher, finding out these things should happen while texting before a first date. [Read: The 25 most common deal breakers for women all guys should learn to avoid]

13. Don’t be too eager

When you click with someone on a dating app, you get excited. For all the unanswered messages, bots, and just straight-up weirdos, you have finally started talking with someone you seem to like. It is exciting. But the rarity of this can lead you to expect too much too fast.

Take your time. You want to meet and have a first date, but it doesn’t need to be now. And you don’t need to our your heart out or work yourself up.

If you start talking on Monday, plan to meet Friday. Talk sporadically throughout the week and then meet and see what happens.

14. Don’t be too mysterious

Playing hard to get is all fine and well if that’s your thing, but remember, you agreed to a first date. You can seem unsure about your interest, but going silent or answering texts with one-word answers will just make your date feel nervous and confused.

You want to keep it light, but not soo light you make them think you aren’t interested at all. That is a good way to get a date canceled.

15. Be honest

If you are just looking for a first date that leads to sex or something purely physical, be honest about it. Others will be looking for that too. You don’t want to lead someone on only to hurt them.

Be honest about your intentions. Are you looking to meet people and see what happens? Are you looking for something casual? Maybe you’re ready for a relationship and are hoping for a real connection.

You are going on a first date to see what happens, but if you don’t want anything serious or only want sex, just be honest. It will pay off for both of you.

[Read: The texting and follow-up guide after a great first date]

The next time you’re confused about texting before the first date or wondering what you need to text, just follow this guide. You’ll never, ever go wrong!

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