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How to Stop Fleabagging & Create a Path to an Amazing Dating Life

Are you tired of dating the wrong person over and over again? Well, welcome to the world of fleabagging, and it looks like it’s time to change.


You start going out with someone, and whether or not you actually like them, they treat you disrespectfully, and the relationship ends. Although that should be the end of this story, it’s not. Because you move onto the next person, and they treat you the exact same way. Sound familiar? Well, this is called fleabagging.

If this is a new term for you, well, welcome to the 2020s—anything is possible! So, what does fleabagging even mean? It’s time to learn exactly what your behavior is called.

What is fleabagging?

Fleabagging comes from the show Fleabag, created by Pheobe Waller-Bridge. The main character continues to date the wrong guys, getting heartbroken every time. You have two types of fleabaggers: the one that’s a hot mess and the one who continues to see the same horrible person over and over again. One of them sounds familiar, right?

[Read: Do you keep finding yourself in a push and pull relationship?]

Don’t worry! We’ve all had these experiences. What’s important is you learn and grow from them. If not, you’re doomed to keep fleabagging. And, fleabagging is gross!

How to stop fleabagging and improve your love life for good

Bring the exterminator—we’re done with the fleas!

#1 It’s time to look within. This isn’t about anyone else but you. It’s time to stop pointing fingers at other people or using your past as an excuse for your behavior. If you want to change the way people see you, you need to change the way you see yourself. [Read: How to date when you have low self-esteem and find true happiness]

#2 It’s you, not them. I’m sorry, but it’s not them. It’s you. You are attracting and allowing yourself to date people who are wrong for you. You are the only one who has the power to change your actions and behavior. If you date someone who drinks because you come from a family of alcoholics, you can change that path. It’ll be hard, but you can do it.

#3 Look at your life values. What do you want from your life? Do you want children? Do you want to travel the world? Or do you want to live surrounded by family and friends? What are your life values because you want someone who shares similar ones. [Read: How to not be codependent and learn to stand on your own two feet]

#4 What are your needs? What do you need? It’s a question we don’t often ask ourselves, yet, it’s an important one. What do you need from a partner? What are the traits you’re looking for? Do you need a trustworthy partner? Or do you want someone who is funny or kind?

#5 What are your deal breakers? We all have them. You should have personal boundaries; if not, you don’t know yourself. What are things you will not accept from a partner? And if these are your genuine deal breakers, don’t let someone break them. [Read: 15 types of toxic relationships to watch out for]

#6 Focus on self-love and self-worth. The reason why you’re meeting the same person over and over again is that you don’t respect yourself. It sounds harsh, but it’s true. If you did respect yourself, you wouldn’t go for the same person who’s clearly wrong for you. But you do, and it’s because you don’t see your worth. [Read: How to respect yourself – 14 secrets to self-worth and self-belief]

#7 Date yourself first. This sounds cliche, but it’s true. If you really want to stop fleabagging, then date yourself first. I mean it. Learn about yourself, learn to love yourself, and enjoy spending time with only you. Only then will you be able to understand who you are, what you want, and the type of person you need. [Read: How to love yourself – 15 ways to self-love and happiness]

#8 Go slow when dating. If you want to stop dating the wrong people over and over again, it’s time to slow down your dating life. You don’t need to sleep with the first guy you meet, and you don’t need to start a relationship with someone you met last night. You can take things slow. I know it feels like you need to rush into things, but you don’t need to do anything. Go at your own pace. [Read: How to pull back in a relationship when you’re giving too much]

#9 Don’t try to “make it work.” We’re living in the 21st century. You don’t need to try to make it work with anyone who isn’t satisfying your needs and treating you poorly. You just don’t need it. I know change is scary, but you know what’s scarier? Being with someone who doesn’t actually want to be with you.

#10 It’s okay to be single. Listen, you don’t need to be in a relationship. If being in a relationship means being treated disrespectfully, then you’re better off alone. It’s time to stop feeling like you need to be in a relationship. You don’t need anyone. And if you’re seeking someone to simply not be single, you’re not doing it right. [Read: How to enjoy being single and live the life YOU really want to live]

#11 Learn how to say no. Yes, that’s right. No. If someone asks you out on a second date and you’re not feeling the vibe, then say no. You don’t need to say yes; listen to what your gut is telling you. Sometimes, we feel obliged to say yes to people, even when we don’t want to. But that’s old habits, and now it’s time to change.

[Read: How your self respect impacts you and your relationships]

Fleabagging may have been cute when watching Sex in the City, but your life isn’t a TV show. It’s time to change your dating pattern and stop fleabagging.

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Natasha Ivanovic
Natasha Ivanovic is an intimacy, dating, and relationship writer best known for her writings on Kiiroo, LovePanky, Post Pravda, and more. She's the creator and ...
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