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Real Attractiveness: 20 Dos and Don’ts that Play a Very Big Part

Beauty is skin deep, but true attractiveness is on the inside and who you are. Being attractive means people want to be with and around you.


Attractiveness is a word that means that you are someone who is attractive to others. When you are attracted to someone or something, it means that you are drawn to them for something that they possess or exude.

There are all sorts of things that can make people attractive. In fact, many scientists have spent their entire careers trying to figure out why we find someone attractive and why we don’t. To me, it sounds like a big waste of time.

Studies show that someone is deemed attractive if their face is symmetrical because it signals the inner animal in us that a person has good genetics. Other studies have shown that we all possess natural “pheromones,” which are scents that we give off to those around us that attract them to want to mate. But, it isn’t just about sex. Being attractive is about people wanting to be around you versus not wanting to be.

The do’s of attractiveness

The reality is that you can be as “beautiful” as a supermodel, but if you are self-involved, selfish, or downright dim, then the attraction will fade pretty quickly. Being attractive is about the things that might not show on the outside but shine from within.

Some things can really add to your attractiveness, while others will make you really unattractive. If you have done all that you can in the looks department, then you might want to change the other things about you that might be pushing people away. [Read: Interpersonal attraction and why we like someone people and hate others]

Let’s start with the qualities that lead to attractiveness.

#1 Kindness. People are attracted to someone who is good on the inside and cares for others. There is something very attractive about putting others in front of yourself and stopping to do acts of good will.

People want to be around others who are kind and will help them out when they need it. Being kind is absolutely something that will add to your attractiveness all the way around.

#2 Empathy. Someone who is empathetic is super attractive. The ability to put yourself into someone else’s situation and not to judge attracts people to you. If you always see the good in people because you can empathize with their situation and what they are going through, people will want to be around you because you are just an easier going person than someone who is all judgmental. [Read: How to be empathetic and build better connections]

#3 Taking care of yourself. You don’t have to be a perfect size two, have the perfect features, or have curves and definition. The key to your attractiveness is taking care of yourself like you like who you are. After all, there is something very attractive about a person who is comfortable in their own skin and takes care of themselves. It says, “I like me and you should too.”

#4 Generosity. There is something very attractive about a person who is generous. That doesn’t mean that you have to buy shots for everyone every time you are out. Generosity can come in many forms. If you know someone needs something and you have enough, giving them some of what you have adds to your attractiveness.

#5 Honesty. Being an honest person is very, very attractive. There is nothing less attractive than catching someone embellishing or not being truthful. Being able to trust someone makes them highly attractive. [Read: What men find attractive in women – 18 traits most women overlook]

#6 Success. Being successful is a highly attractive feature. People like someone who knows what they want, where they are going, and are motivated enough to put the energy to get where they want to be. Someone who is climbing the corporate ladder and works their ass off to get there is very attractive.

#7 Confidence. Being confident is a very attractive quality. You can have the most average face, but if you walk into the room and own it, it is very attractive. Someone who believes in themselves and owns it is highly attractive to those around them.

#8 Independence. Sure, we are all here to help one another and to lean on each other a little, but there is something very attractive about a person who can stand on their own two feet and is independent. We want someone who will need us a little, but it is very attractive if you can do your own thing and don’t need to be babysat. [Read: Attraction theory and what makes you desirable in someone’s eyes]

#9 Manners. You don’t have to hold your pinky up when you are drinking afternoon tea, but having manners adds to your attractiveness. Being highly civilized and knowing when things are appropriate and when they aren’t, is a highly attractive feature. It is a rarity in this day and age for someone to know how to behave, have a filter, and to conform to using formalities when it is appropriate.

#10 Positivity. Being a positive person is a very attractive characteristic. If you are the person who always sees the silver lining, then you are someone who people want to be around. Life can be hard enough on its own, those people who can take lemons and make lemonade are definitely the ones that people want around. [Read: 17 ways to experience positive vibes and welcome it into your life]

The don’ts of attractiveness

Now let’s talk about what makes you unattractive.

#1 Being gross. It is not attractive at all to be gross. I suppose gross is all in the eye of the beholder, but spitting, dipping, farting whenever you feel like it, and belching without any hesitation, are all very unattractive things. If you are hot, doing those things can make you not. [Read: How to date a girl – 14 steps every Prince Charming must follow]

#2 Having a foul mouth. Swearing just makes you sound ignorant and unattractive. When you talk offensively or have a foul mouth, you make people around you uncomfortable, which doesn’t attract people to you. There is a time for locker room talk, namely, in the locker room. Save the cuss words for guys’ or girls’ night, not when you are out in the general public.

#3 Smoking. Yep, if you see a hot girl or guy and they start to light up, you can instantly lose attraction for them. Smoking is not attractive for almost the entire population, it does not make you look cool, and it smells bad. Those are all not things that scream attractiveness.

#4 Poor self-grooming. If you can’t take a shower before you hit the club, you can have the best body in the world, but no one will know because they won’t want to be close to you. If you don’t do the basics to make yourself smell better than a farm animal, that is so not attractive! [Read: Sexual market value and 5 biggest factors that play a part]

#5 Rudeness. If you are rude and don’t care about other people’s feelings, that is a huge turnoff. People who treat the wait staff like their own personal slaves, are non-appreciative, or just feel like everyone was put on earth to serve them, are unattractive – period. It is just purely ugly to be ugly to people.

#6 Negativity. Negative people aren’t much fun to be around. If you can’t ever see the bright side of things or make a bad situation worse, then you aren’t someone that people want to be around. You are someone who people avoid. If you have nothing nice to say ever, no one wants to hear from you. [Read: How to stop negative people from sapping your energy]

#7 Arrogance. Confidence is attractive, arrogance is not. There is a fine line between being too cocky and being confident. If you cross over it, you aren’t attracting anyone to want to be around you, and likely, you are driving people away. Stop thinking you are awesome and come back down to earth where the rest of us live.

#8 Unmotivated. You want to know what isn’t attractive? A guy or girl who is still living in their parent’s basement with no hopes of doing better. If your mom and dad are still paying your bills and doing your laundry, then it doesn’t matter what you look like on the outside, that is just plain unattractive.

#9 Selfishness. No one wants to be with someone who is selfish. Even if you have the hottest body in the world, if you are all about pleasing yourself, that is not attractive, and your looks aren’t going to override it. If you can’t share, compromise, or even give in once in a while, and the only person that exists in your world is you, then you aren’t attractive to others, that I can guarantee. [Read: 15 biggest clues to spot selfish people in no time]

#10 Drinking too much. I am totally fine with having a couple of drinks, but if you get so sloppy drunk that someone has to either leave you or carry you home, that isn’t attractive. It is hard to have an attraction to someone if you are holding their hair every weekend or finding them passed out in their own vomit. Not having limitations to your bad behaviors or self-control is not attractive in the least.

Not everyone can be born beautiful on the outside. There are many ways that you can attract people to want to be with you, and ways you can be highly attractive on the outside and pure ugly on the inside.

[Read: The 12 rules of attraction as explained by science]

To improve your attractiveness, cut back on the non-attractive behaviors and increase the ones that make people want to be with and around you. The good news is that what defines attractiveness isn’t always skin deep.

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Julie Keating
A writer isn’t born, but created out of experiences. No lack of subject matter, my life reads more like fiction than anything that could have been imagined in...
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