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How to Tell if a Girl Is Gay: 25 Signs, Myths & Facts to Guess the Truth

You have a crush on her, but you’re not sure of her sexual orientation. So, you want to know how to tell if a girl is gay. Here are some clues for you.

how to tell if a girl is gay

This is a very common question that people ask. They all want to know how to tell if a girl is gay. At the end of the day, you can’t really tell someone’s sexuality.

No one has “I’m gay” or “I’m straight” written on their foreheads. Sexuality is quite private for many people. Of course, some people give stronger hints of their sexuality, but it’s not always easy to spot.

A lot of girls are tomboys when they are young. They might dress in sweat pants and always have their hair in a messy ponytail. Does this confuse a lot of people?

Of course, it probably does. Many people might assume the person is either a lesbian or bisexual. But that doesn’t mean it’s true! [Read: The common stereotypes around lesbian women]

But there are a lot of myths and facts about lesbians that you may not know. So, let’s discuss how to tell if a girl is gay, and then, let’s talk about those commonly accepted myths and the real facts that can help you predict if a girl is gay by reading the suntle signs.

How to tell if a girl is gay by the way she behaves and speaks around you

It’s important to not always go by stereotypical characteristics. At the same time, sometimes stereotypes can help us label someone.

If you want to figure out whether a girl is gay or not, *though you can never really know unless she tells you or you ask* there are some attributes you can use to help you out. [Read: How to tell if a lesbian is attracted to you and how to respond to her]

You can call this “gaydar.” Whether you’re a woman or a man, here are some ways to figure out how to tell if a girl is gay.

Let’s figure it out.

1. Ask her nicely 

We’re emphasizing the word ‘nicely.’ You can’t just walk up to a woman and ask them, “are you a lesbian?” First of all, it’s offensive, and secondly, you’re not going to get an answer.

But if you ask in a polite manner, she may tell you if you’re a woman. Now, if you’re a man, she may not be so willing. [Read: Why we all need to get on board with sex positivism]

2. Trust your instincts

If you’re a woman and there’s another woman smiling at you and giving you an eye, she’s probably trying to see whether or not you’re into women.

And at that moment, you’ll have an instinctual feeling of what’s going on. If your gut is telling you that she’s interested in you, you’re probably right. And this goes for any sexuality and any person. Follow your gut.

3. Don’t go by the nails

So many people will look at a girl’s nails to see whether or not she’s a lesbian. A lot of women have short nails, and they are not a lesbian. Now, there are many lesbians who don’t have long nails because it’s easier to have sex or finger a girl without hurting her accidentally.

But then there are other lesbians that do have long nails. So, be wary when using the whole “short nails” sexuality test. [Read: The list of sexualities and what you need to know about each orientation]

4. She hints at it in conversation

Some people try to give you hints through their conversations with you. Maybe she tells you the neighborhood she lives in which is known as an LGBTQ area of town or name drops the last partner she had which happens to be a girl.

By talking to her, you’ll be able to find out more information.

5. Eye contact

We often overlook subtle clues such as eye contact. But in this case, eye contact is a huge way to tell someone’s sexuality.

If she’s staring at you just a little bit longer than normal, she may be checking you out.

Most of our communication with other people is done non-verbally. Before even speaking to them, you can get the clues you need through their actions. [Read: The rise of the fake lesbian – Cool cliche or annoying insult?]

6. How she acts around men

When a straight woman is around an attractive guy, you’ll see her behavior change. She may smile more, laugh, and flirt with him.

But if she’s a lesbian, she’s not interested in attracting him. She won’t try to impress him or flirt with him. Why? Because she doesn’t want to go home with him. 

7. She’s dated girls in the past

If you both have mutual friends, you can do a little research. If they’ve told you she’s dated women in the past, it could mean she’s either bisexual or a lesbian.

Either way, she’s interested in women. Dating history is a great way to figure out who they are into. [Read: Am I bisexual or lesbian? How to discover your innermost desires]

8. The way she dresses

This one is tricky because there are tomboy-like lesbians, femme lesbians, and others who don’t have a distinct style. Of course, the stereotype is lesbians have short hair and dress very masculinely.

For some, this is how they look. So, you can use this as a way to identify one type of lesbian. But, don’t group lesbians under one umbrella. [Read: 15 ridiculous lesbian myths that you probably still believe]

9. Where she hangs out

Again, you don’t want to generalize. Many straight women hang out at LGBTQ bars and clubs. They enjoy the atmosphere and people, yet, they’re straight.

But, there’s a higher chance the women in an LGBTQ bar or club are either bisexual or lesbian. So, if you happen to be in an LGBTQ bar and a woman is eyeing you, chances are she’s into you.

10. She touches you

Women, in general, are more touchy than men. So, this one can be tricky as straight women can hug, touch, and kiss other women without a sexual motive.

But, if you notice she’s touching you in more intimate places, fixes your hair, or tries to cuddle you, there’s a higher chance she’s into you. [Read: Lesbian love – What it’s really like to love a woman]

11. She talks about her sexual fantasies with you

If you’re a girl and she constantly mentions her sexual fantasies, and somehow, they only involve other women in bed with her, that’s not just a sign she’s gay.

In all probability, she’s making it very clear she wants to sleep with you. All she needs to hear is you saying “I can’t wait to be in that fantasy of yours!”

12. She flirts with you sexually

If you’re wondering how to tell if a girl is gay *and interested in you*, pay attention to whether she flirts with you sexually.

Of course, it’s one thing to say you look good in a dress. But it’s a completely different thing if she says you look so sexy in a dress, she can’t wait to see you undressed!

13. She mentions her queer experiences

Remember, just because a woman has had a sexual experience with another woman, it doesn’t mean she’s a lesbian.

But if she’s constantly bringing it up to you, and talking about the experience, she may be subtly suggesting something. Your instinct will tell you what’s going on.

Now that you know the subtle signs to know for sure if a girl is gay, let’s take a look at the myths and read the facts below, so you don’t make an avoidable mistake and assume a girl is gay when she’s clearly not!

How to tell if a girl is gay – The myths about lesbians most of us believe

Okay, there are myths and stereotypes about all kinds of people from all walks of life, and that includes lesbians too. So here are the common myths about lesbians.

1. You don’t know if you’re a lesbian unless you sleep with a woman

This is very untrue. No one has to actually sleep with another person to know that they are attracted to them.

Think about it. Heterosexuals are attracted to the opposite sex regardless of whether or not they have had any physical contact with them. So, why would it not be true for lesbians? Discovering your sexuality doesn’t require sexual contact. [Read: The lesbian fantasy and what it means to have one as a straight woman]

2. Lesbians are attracted to all women

Now, this one is just silly. Are all heterosexual women attracted to all men? Or are heterosexual men attracted to all women? Of course not!

So, just because a lesbian is friends with a straight or gay woman doesn’t mean she’s attracted to her. Sexual attraction is just as individualistic and chemistry-based for lesbians as it is for straight people.

3. Being a lesbian is a choice and they can change into being straight

There have been a lot of research studies that confirm that sexuality is not something that is chosen.

Instead, it is an inborn trait that is found in almost all animals – not just humans. There is also a lot of evidence that therapy and counseling cannot “make someone straight.”

4. Lesbian relationships are all about sex

This one is just a ridiculous myth too, don’t you think? Is there really any romantic relationship that is all about sex?

Well, perhaps a friends-with-benefits situation. But for most committed, loving relationships, there is also a friendship too. You can’t stay in bed 24/7. People have other things going on in their lives, right? [Read: How do lesbians have sex? The truth about girl on girl sex]

5. All lesbians are man-haters

It’s definitely a myth that all lesbians hate men. Just because a woman is sexually and emotionally attracted to other women doesn’t mean that they have negative feelings toward men.

After all, their fathers and brothers are men. Their friends are men. Most lesbians have long-lasting and satisfying friendships and other kinds of relationships with men.

6. Lesbians just haven’t met the right man

Just because someone is single – regardless of their sexual orientation – does that mean that they just haven’t met the right partner? It could be.

However, a lot of people prefer to be single and choose to stay that way. So, lesbianism has nothing to do with men. Maybe they just haven’t met the right woman yet.

7. One lesbian in the relationship is the “man” and the other is the “woman”

Sure, there are some lesbian couples that are the butch/femme type, but that is not the only kind of relationship for lesbians. Most don’t prefer to label themselves in that manner at all. It’s not fair to generalize them in any manner. [Read: 17 main types of lesbians and how to tell each of them apart]

8. You can tell a woman is a lesbian by how she acts and looks

We’ve all heard the term “gaydar.” This is just a way of saying they have an intuition and can recognize a gay person without them revealing their sexual identity.

But a lot of people are still in the closet, so there’s no way to know. Also, the “gaydar” theory only plays into the classic stereotypes of gay people which isn’t usually true at all!

All of these myths are just that – myths. As with any other kind of myth, there may be some truth, but only in rare circumstances. 

A few facts about lesbians to understand them better

Now let’s move on to the facts about lesbians.

[Read: The first time lesbian experience – how to try it minus the awkwardness]

1. History of the word “lesbian” 

The Greek word, lesbos, is the root of the word lesbian in English. In ancient Greece, there was an island where Sappho wrote poetry about women loving women. But the word’s history has not always been good. In 1925, the word lesbian because the female version of sodomite. 

2. No one knows the exact cause of lesbianism

You would think that in this day and age, there would be a lot of research that would provide answers to the causes of lesbianism.

However, there are some studies that suggest that the increased levels of steroids when a woman is pregnant can influence the unborn child to be a lesbian. 

3. The first lesbian magazine was Vice Versa

This magazine was known as the “gayest” American magazine. There was a secretary in Los Angeles who started writing articles for the magazine because her boss told her that he didn’t care what she was writing. Instead, he just wanted her to look busy so people would think he was important. [Read: The main types of lesbians and why it’s important to tell them apart]

4. Purple symbolizes LGBT

The color purpose is a combination of blue and red, and that represents the combination of both male and female. 

How to tell if a girl is gay – The bottom line to know

We know you want to know an easy, surefire way how to tell if a girl is gay. But here is one thing to remember. Even if you look at all of these clues, you still won’t know for sure.

It’s never good to make assumptions about or apply stereotypes to another person.

Stereotypes do not fit all the people in a certain group, and that includes lesbians. She might look and act like a lesbian, but that doesn’t mean she is one. And she might look and act straight, but that doesn’t mean she can’t be a lesbian.

At the end of the day, the safest and surest way to know if a girl is gay is by asking her, or if she tells you her sexual orientation. All of these signs we’ve shared here can point you in the right direction, but unless you hear the truth from her, don’t make any assumptions!

[Read: 23 secrets signs of female bisexuality to read a bi girl and start dating her]

When it comes to understanding how to tell if a girl is gay, there’s no real way to know unless the girl tells you or you ask. If you really want the answer, one of those things must happen.

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