If you’re just not feeling it, it’s best to learn how to reject someone nicely and move on. That way, you can both find someone better suited to you.
Rejection is never easy. It doesn’t just hurt when you’re being rejected, but doing the rejecting is also hard. You want to get your point across without being too harsh. Also, you don’t want to hurt someone’s feelings but also want to be firm. Learning how to reject someone nicely means finding a careful balance.
The problem is a lot of people are so worried about hurting someone’s feelings or getting a bad reaction that instead of doing the rejecting, they don’t do anything. They stay in a situation that doesn’t make them happy. In the end, their actions show their true feelings, and the other person ends up hurt anyway.
Or, they decide to ghost them instead. Ghosting is the absolute worst way to reject anyone, no matter your reasoning. Instead, learn how to reject someone nicely and cut out the drama. [Read: How to tell someone you don’t like them without being mean or rude]
How not to reject someone
Whether it is a friend, stranger, or someone you’ve been chatting to on a dating app, rejection is never easy. You want to let them down as easily as possible, but there is no surefire way to do that. Everyone reacts to rejection differently.
But, with that, there are certainly ways to reject someone that you should never do. Avoid these points at all costs. [Read: How to let someone down easy in person or over text]
1. Ghosting them
Ghosting might be easier for you because you won’t have to deal with their reaction but disappearing and hoping they get the message is not nice at all. They’ll simply end up confused and they won’t understand what they did wrong. That could last for a while and they don’t deserve that kind of torture. [Read: Like ghosting? Well, prepare yourself for these 10 consequences]
2. Putting it off
If you know it won’t work out and you’re not interested, do not put it off. Do not think about how you can seem like the good guy. Do not overthink it. Rip the bandage off. If you were being rejected, would you want someone to slowly ease away, leaving you with hope, only to let you get attached and then pull the rug out from under you? No. Direct is far better in the end.
3. Be mean so they reject you instead
This is a game. If you aren’t interested in someone, don’t behave badly so they reject you. Just be straight with them. Games only make rejection worse. You’ll also inflict upset on them in the meantime and it’s not fair, simply because you can’t pluck up the courage to be honest. [Read: How to treat people better and live a much happier life in return]
4. Over-explain
Unless you are breaking up with someone after a serious relationship, don’t over-explain your reasoning. They don’t need to know your entire past or that you met someone you like more. Don’t offer them details they don’t need. This will lead to them overthinking. Rejecting someone nicely is about truth, not making yourself feel better. A brief explanation is enough.
5. Attempt to comfort them
This is always a bad move. Whether it is a breakup or just letting them know you don’t want to meet up, do not try to comfort them. This is so confusing. You are essentially the one hurting them and making them feel better all at once. [Read: How to let a girl down easy and avoid the dreaded waterworks]
First of all, it is not your responsibility how they react. Secondly, you just confuse them. When you are letting someone down, be firm. Tell the truth and step away.
How to reject someone nicely
We’d like to tell you that as long as you avoid those five no-no’s that you’re good, but there are actually some ways to reject someone nicely too. There are things you can do or say that will make things easier for them and you.
When you’re rejecting someone nicely, you want them to understand exactly what you’re saying without being too hurt. This may sound impossible. Rejecting someone will not always go as planned, but you can do your best. [Read: Nicest ways possible – How to tell a guy you don’t like him]
1. Always be honest
Yes, honesty is the best policy. Don’t lead them on or beat around the bush. If you aren’t interested, just say that.
2. Don’t waste time
If you know after the first date that you don’t want to see them again, don’t hug them goodbye and say “we should do this again” just to be polite. The more you put it off, the more you’ll get their hopes up. [Read: If you’re regularly asking yourself, am I a bad person: Read this]
3. Be clear
Don’t just say something like “I’m not available”. They could take that to mean you’re busy. Say that you are not interested. There is a difference, and some people will take your kindness as hesitancy.
4. Be respecful – always
You can be straightforward without being cruel or disrespectful. If you went on a first date and they shared something that made you uncomfortable or disinterested, you don’t have to insult them. You can simply say you don’t think you’re compatible, and leave it there. [Read: Lack of respect in a relationship – 15 painful signs it’s true]
5. Remain calm
The place a lot of people go wrong with rejection is making sure they come off like the good guy instead of just making a clean break. Defensiveness will make the entire experience worse for everyone. If you turn someone down and they react poorly, don’t interact. Simply be kind and respectful and walk away. [Read: How to respond to an overreaction without losing your cool]
6. Don’t offer friendship right away
Whether you think this will soften the blow or you actually want to remain friends, don’t offer that in the same sentence as a rejection. All that does is confuse them. Be clear and considerate. If you reach out down the line about a local concert or reboot of a TV show you both liked, you can talk platonically but leave some space between those two occasions. [Read: How to get someone to stop texting you – The perfect excuses and examples]
7 You don’t need to apologize
You do not have to apologize. You have the right to say no at any point. Even if you feel bad for rejecting them, apologizing says you did something wrong, when you didn’t.
8. Stick to the point
Don’t go off-topic. I’ve had people reject me and talk in circles. They’ll say things like I had a great time and then talk about how they aren’t ready for more. Then they give me a compliment and pull back. And it is drawn out and confusing. [Read: 10 ways to read mixed signals and turn the signs into love]
Just say what you want to say to get your point across and leave it there.
9. Add a compliment
It never hurts to soften the blow with a compliment, but keep it brief. Something like, “you’re really funny, but I just didn’t feel a connection,” or “I’m attracted to you but didn’t feel anything deeper,” will do.
10. Wish them the best
Although a simple “no, thank you” to a date invite is good, it can be nice to wish them the best. A good go-to is, “I’m flattered but not interested. Best of luck in the future.” It sounds professional, but it keeps it calm and clean. [Read: The best compliments for a girl that work better than you think]
11. Close the door
Rejection is not an open door for something to happen in the future. This can be very confusing to the person you are turning down. Leaving the door open for something in the future prevents them from moving on and strings them along.
Don’t say “I’m busy right now but if things change I’ll let you know” unless you’re going away for work for a month and want to see them when you get back. Keeping someone on the back burner so you can try things with someone else is not cool. [Read: The 13 scenarios when honesty is an obligation]
12. Accept they will be hurt
No matter how nice and considerate you are, you are rejecting someone. If you’ve been rejected, you know the feeling. Whether it is a job or a date, even the kindest no’s are still no’s. Accept that they will be hurt, shocked, or at least feel a minor sting. That is okay.
Be the bigger person and reject in the right way
Ghosting someone is just cowardly. If you don’t like someone in that way, it’s fine to say that you don’t want to take it any further. What else are you supposed to do? Date them when you’re just not feeling it? They would no doubt prefer you to be honest, even if it stings a little at the time. Learning how to reject someone nicely means that you’re being the bigger person. You’re honest enough to admit that it’s just not going to happen. That frees them up to find someone who does find them amazing, and for you to go and do the same. [Read: How to learn from the rejections you’ve faced]
You don’t have to apologize – you’ve done nothing wrong. You also don’t need to give them a rundown on why it’s just not happening for you. It’s not, and that’s all they need to know. Be mature and honest and let them down as gently as you can, but also as firmly as you can too.
[Read: How to say no! Stop pleasing people and feel awesome instead]
Learning how to reject someone nicely is about telling the truth and leaving it there. There should be no more drawn out or confusing rejections.
