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19 Secrets to Open Up to Someone You’re Dating Even If You’re Scared

For some people, it’s not easy to know how to open up to someone you’re dating or in love with. You’re scared of getting hurt, but it grows your bond.

how to open up to someone you're dating or in love with

Learning how to open up to someone you’re dating or in love with is never easy. Even when smitten, it can seem like the most terrifying thing in the world to be vulnerable around them. Even when you want to get closer and take your relationship to the next level, the fear of getting hurt can stop you in your tracks.

That fear is perfectly natural. If you’ve been hurt before, you know what it feels like. You subconsciously want to prevent that feeling from reoccurring. The last time you were vulnerable, you were hurt. It makes sense you wouldn’t want to do the same thing again.

As much as that logic lines up, in the long run, protecting yourself from being hurt prevents you from getting close to someone.

By closing yourself off to vulnerability, you actually hurt yourself. It sounds complicated but learning how to open up to someone you’re dating doesn’t have to be so scary.

[Read: What does it mean to be vulnerable – 13 ways you can open up]

Why you want to open up to someone you’re dating

One of the best ways to open up to someone you’re dating is to look at the situation practically. You want to open up to the person you’re dating, but why?

If you can explain to yourself what will realistically come of opening up, you will be more likely to actually do it. When you think about opening up to someone you’re dating as a risk, you hesitate and run in the opposite direction.

Make a list of the reasons you want to open up to this person. They can be about you or them. Maybe you want to build trust with them. Maybe you do trust them. Or they opened up to you and you want to do the same.

There are a lot of reasons you might want to open up to a new partner. These may not be the same for you but are good examples.

[Read: These unique traits show you if someone is trustworthy]

1. You want a partner you can be yourself with.

2. You trust them.

3. You want to be accepted with everything on the table.

4. You don’t want to have regrets.

5. It feels right.

Yes, some people date for fun without connection, and it is great. But, for those who look to make a connection, opening up is necessary. Now, you don’t have to rush into it, but listing the reasons why you want to open up will give you a push in the right direction.

When we stated the reasons you might want to open up and share more with your new partner, it might be easier to take those steps. Regardless of the outcome, do whatever feels right to you, and do what you need to do. 

You came searching for ways to open up to someone you’re dating, and you did that for a reason or even a few reasons. What are they?

Advantages and risks of opening up to someone you’re dating

Self-disclosing information about you and your innermost thoughts can be scary for some people. That is mostly because it makes you vulnerable. And a lot of people are uncomfortable being vulnerable.

When someone shares personal information, there is always that risk that it could be used against them someday. But that’s not a reason to keep everything bottled up.

Believe it or not, there are more advantages to opening up to someone you are dating. By doing this, you are building a foundation of trust and emotional intimacy. How else do you expect to get closer to someone without sharing things about yourself – and vice versa?

You see, instead of being scared to open up, you should see it as an opportunity to build a beautiful, loving relationship.

[Read: How to remain hopeful while dating and not give up]

What does it mean to open up to someone you’re dating?

Once you know why you want to open up to the person you’re dating, you’ll have the motivation to do so. But, how do you get started?

You can’t just hand them your childhood diary and say, “I’m opening up.” Opening up to someone you date is not instant. It takes time.

Life isn’t a reality TV show where you have one date, share something from your past, and fall in love. Real-life is more complicated and drawn out than that.

When you start opening up to someone, it comes in stages. You might mention that your parents’ divorce was a hard time for you. Maybe you’ll mention your most embarrassing moment or your biggest fear. [Read: How to get someone to open up so you both can really connect]

Eventually, you’ll talk about your dreams and what you want in the future. Opening up is also about listening to them without judgment. It is about not just opening up about your past and future, but how you feel now.

Telling the person you’re dating how you feel about them is one of the hardest things to do. Once you admit that you care for them or even love them, you feel like you lost the power. In fact, you’ve reached a new level in your relationship.

[Read: How to know if you love someone – learn the signs of a new romance]

How to open up to someone you’re dating

Learning how to open up to someone you’re dating is all about the baby steps. Take it slow and do what feels comfortable for both of you.

1. Share something embarrassing

This is a great way to get your feet wet when opening up. You don’t have to share your deepest darkest secret with them, but if you want to ease into being more open, share something you aren’t so proud of.

It can be something more serious like your political views before doing research and learning more. Or it can be funny. 

Sharing something embarrassing or unflattering shows your confidence and ability to laugh at yourself. Offering a story like that connects you through humility. It also shows honesty about the less than impressive moments in your life, and it can be rewarding. [Read: 21 questions for new couples to get to know each other better]

2. Ask them about themselves

Asking someone you’re dating about themselves starts the conversation. Also, ask them about their dream job or what they’re most proud of. This will get them to open up and as they do so, you will do the same.

When someone shares something personal with you, you feel compelled to return the favor and vice versa. This will help a dialogue form and continue so you can be on the same page. [Read: How to be more playful and flirty and open up to someone]

3. Talk about your passions

Talking about what makes you happy can be very personal but also easy to do. For example, maybe you love your job and could go on for hours. We all have a hobby or passion like that, even if it is reading or watching movies.

Opening up about something you’re proud of will show the person you’re dating your drive and ambition. This gives you a chance to be confident and happy around them, leading to more of this in the future.

4. Discuss your families

Talking about your family is always personal. It is a great way to get to know someone and what they’ve been through. Whether you have a good relationship with your family or not, discussing that with someone you date brings you closer together.

Trusting them with something so private shows your willingness to open up and your desire to move forward together. It could also introduce them to the possibility of meeting them one day. [Read: How to be vulnerable in a relationship and feel closer instantly]

5. Be honest

Always be yourself. Of course, you want to put your best foot forward when dating someone. Opening up is about being yourself, flaws and all. If you sugarcoat things or say what you think they want to hear, you do both of you a disservice.

Being yourself when opening up is the only way to really get to know someone and build a collection. Without that, you are only making things more difficult and uncomfortable.

6. Separate your past and present

One of the main reasons why it is hard to open up is the pain from your past. It makes sense you don’t want that to happen again. Learn to separate what happened before from what’s happening now.

You can do all the same things as before, but with a new person, it could be an entirely different relationship. Just because your ex hurt you doesn’t mean the person you date now will do that. Differentiating your past from the present will help you make new connections. [Read: How to stop making the same mistakes in relationships and learn]

7. Let go of expectations

Fear and pain are all built off of connections. You may open up to someone with the expectation they’ll reciprocate. If they don’t, you feel hurt. If you open up to someone with hope but know anything can happen, accepting the outcome becomes a lot easier.

The same goes for fear. If you expect someone to hurt you, it will be hard to put yourself out there. But if you let go of that expectation and just hope for the best, things will go a lot more smoothly.

How to get over the fear and open up to someone you’re dating

Fear is at the root of opening up to someone and sharing yourself with them. But a lot of times, the fear is unfounded. It mostly exists in your mind and not in reality. [Read: How to be emotionally available – 17 ways to open up to love and life]

So, if you want to get over that fear, then you can do the following things.

1. Stop caring about what other people think

Okay, this is a really difficult one for most people. We are all socialized to be nice to other people and we want people to like/love us.

Because of this, too many people care way too much about what other people think about them. So, if that’s you, just get over it. Own who you are and be proud of it.

2. Love yourself

If you have low self-esteem, then you are going to have to learn how to love yourself more. Stop focusing on your flaws and think about all the great things about you.

You are probably kind, loving, smart, and funny. Who cares about your so-called “flaws?” You shouldn’t! [Read: How to be yourself 26 steps to unfake your life and love being you]

3. What is the worst that can happen?

Most people always go to the worst-case scenario when they are fearful. And it’s not a bad thing to do that because it helps you envision it and be mentally prepared for it.

After all, usually, it never happens. Usually, the worst doesn’t happen. The person you are dating probably won’t break up with you just because you told them something personal about yourself.

4. Be detached from the outcome

Once you have figured out the worst that can happen, then you need to just accept it if it happens. Tell yourself that you will be fine whatever happens – even the worst. You will get through it.

Try to be detached from how it will end up when you share yourself with this person.

5. Re-frame it 

You think the focus is all on you, and that’s why you’re scared to open up to someone you’re dating. But think about it – they are probably scared too.

Sharing personal information should be a two-way street. So, just remember that you are not the only one who is becoming vulnerable – they are too. [Read: How to be more positive – 24 steps to a happy and dramatic life shift]

6. Don’t be embarrassed

Let’s face it – we’ve all done things that we’re embarrassed about. That is what makes us human. So, if you are going to open up about something embarrassing, don’t feel bad.

You can ask your partner to share something embarrassing that they did too. Then, you can laugh about it together.

7. Have a positive attitude

Instead of being fearful, you need to look at opening up to your partner as a positive thing. As we said earlier, it will help you get more emotionally connected to them.

After all, isn’t that the point of a romantic relationship? If you hold back out of fear, then you will never build a strong foundation for the future of your relationship. So, be brave, be happy, and just do it.

[Read: Realistic expectations to keep in mind if you’ve been dating a month]

Learning how to open up to someone you’re dating doesn’t have to be so scary if you know how to take it slow. Use these steps, and you’ll get there faster than you think.

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The editorial team of LovePanky comprises relationship experts and real-life experts that share their experiences and life lessons. If you want the best love ad...