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How to Approach a Girl at a Bar: 15 Dos & Don’ts for Succeeding

Knowing how to approach a girl at a bar is crucial if you want to pick her up. One small mistake can completely ruin your chances. Follow these rules.

how to approach a girl at a bar

There is a specific formula you have to follow when it comes to how to approach a girl at a bar. You can’t just walk up and start dropping pickup lines left and right. That will get you absolutely nowhere – especially if they’re bad pickup lines.

Approaching a girl takes time and effort. If you think you can just waltz up and ask her out, you’re dead wrong. There’s a protocol to follow in order to make your effort worth it. In fact, there are even things you definitely shouldn’t do if you want to pick up a girl.

Why are girls so hard to pick up?

If you think girls are hard to pick up and take home, you’re right. Women are difficult to approach and get to know – especially when you’re out at a bar. You never know why she’s there or even if she has a boyfriend.

She could be out for a fun night with friends and might see your advances as an intrusion. All of those things can make girls so hard to pick up. But another thing can make it worse is the fact that she doesn’t want to seem easy. Girls want to make you work for it. [Read: 10 clear signs you should back off when pursuing a girl]

How to approach a girl at a bar

If you want to make your night out a successful one, then you have to follow a few dos and don’ts when it comes to approaching a girl. Don’t just walk up out of the blue and try to strike up a conversation. That almost always fails.

Here are our tips and tricks on how to approach a girl at a bar. Pay close attention and remember that all girls are different. This means you may need to adjust your strategy according to which woman you’re trying to pick up.


#1 Look your best. We live in a world where everyone says not to judge a book by its cover and then they do so anyways. Looks do matter. As much as we all wish we weren’t shallow beings, physical appearance does leave an impression on us.

Therefore, you want to look good when approaching a girl at a bar. This doesn’t mean dressing really fancy. It just means you’re clean, groomed, and wearing decent attire. It’s a plus if you smell really nice, too. [Read: Being well groomed and 14 other things women look for in men]

#2 Be yourself. I know you’ve heard this a hundred times already, but it’s true. We don’t want some guy trying to be someone else when they’re talking to us. We want men who are unapologetically themselves. Show us who you are and we’ll appreciate it.

#3 Make sure she’s not there with someone else. Don’t just randomly walk up to the first girl you see right when you see her. Wait a few minutes and see if she’s actually there with another guy. You never want to start an incident with someone else over a girl just because you didn’t pay attention. [Read: How to get a girl with a boyfriend to like you]

#4 Send over a drink. This is a really old way of getting the girl to approach you. But it works. Even if she doesn’t come up to you, you can go up to her shortly after to make sure she enjoyed the drink. It’s basically your way in.

#5 Introduce yourself. Instead of dropping a horrible pickup line that she’ll most likely hate, just introduce yourself. Tell her that she caught your eye and you just wanted to say hi. This is simple and it doesn’t suggest you just want to get in her pants. [Read: How to approach a girl you don’t know and totally impress her]

#6 Compliment something OTHER than her looks. Instead of going for the obvious, “your eyes are so beautiful,” say something about her interests. This can be hard to do without talking to her, but if she has a cool t-shirt on, mention how much you like her style. This earns you major points. [Read: 19 compliments she’s dying to hear]

#7 Make sure she’s not surrounded by friends. If she has a big group of girl friends all around her, then she probably isn’t out to meet guys. Believe it or not, some girls just want to have fun with friends.

#8 Smile at her from afar. If you lock eyes with a girl you are attracted to, just give her a smile. Not only does this clearly show her that you’re interested, but it’ll also allow you to gauge her reaction. If she smiles back, go over and talk to her. [Read: How to get a girl to notice you without saying a word]


#1 Tell her she’s hot. Just don’t do this. If she’s a good looking girl, she’s always complimented in this way and it’s boring, overused, and just shows you want some ass. Avoid compliments that are based on her looks. Girls want to be appreciated for so much more than that. [Read: 10 compliments that are actually the worst to use]

#2 Approach when she’s around other guys. Knowing how to approach a girl at a bar is as simple as knowing how many guys are around her. Some women often go out with their boyfriend and his friends. If you make one of them angry, you may just make them all angry. So avoid this at all costs.

#3 Get super drunk before approaching. Never, ever have a ton of drinks before trying to approach a girl at a bar. It’s understandable if you need some liquid courage, but getting wasted is a big no-no. It’s really unattractive and women don’t want some drunk dude slurring pickup lines at us.

#4 Use a bad pickup line. Speaking of pickup lines, don’t use them. Most of them are really bad and if you do find a good one, there’s no saying if the girl will actually like it. If you do have to use one in order to break the ice, make it a funny one. This way, it’ll be clear that it’s a joke and she’ll laugh with you about it. [Read: How to approach women – 15 tips you absolutely must know]

#5 Talk about how much money you make. The fastest way to get a girl to walk away from you is if you try boasting about how much money you make. First of all, that’ll only attract the kind of girls that just like you for your money.

Second of all, it’s trashy and unattractive. Women don’t really care how much you make. But if you talk about making a lot, she’ll see you as a douche. [Read: The subtle differences between a confident and an arrogant man]

#6 Talk about yourself only. It’s okay to mention a few key things about who you are, but we don’t want to sit there while you talk about yourself only. That shows no interest in us. So ask a girl questions after you approach her! Show her that you want to get to know her as a person and she’ll be more likely to open up. [Read: How to keep a conversation going with the opposite sex]

#7 Be touchy-feely right away. Don’t touch a girl you just met. It’s very weird and creeps us out. We don’t want a guy coming up to us and then proceeding to put his hands all over us. It’s uncomfortable and we’ll want to walk away as quickly as possible. Keep your hands to yourself until she initiates any form of contact. And even then, be cautious.

[Read: The introvert’s guide to picking up girl at a bar]

Knowing how to approach a girl at a bar can be useful for so many different things. When you know how to talk to a woman in a way that makes her want to listen, there’s no telling what you can do.

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Bella Pope LovePanky
Annabel Rodgers
Annabel is a lifestyle writer, cheese enthusiast (Wisconsin native over here) and fantasy adventure author-in-progress who enjoys all things love, dog,...