While it’s true that ghosting isn’t the bravest of things to do, sometimes it’s necessary. Learn how to ghost someone without getting caught in the act.
Sometimes you just need to be able to get away clean. You can’t always explain why you don’t want to see someone anymore and that leaves you struggling with what to do. Ghosting someone is the clear option in this situation, however you need to know how to ghost someone without getting caught.
There’s actually a lot more to ghosting than you may realize. Sure, you can just stop responding to someone and maybe they’ll get the hint. But that’s usually not the case. There are different things you have to do in order to get away clean.
Firstly, let’s state that we do not particularly advocate ghosting per se. However, there are times when there is no other option. Ghosting for the sake of it is cruel and cowardly, but if the situation is dire, we support you 100%. [Read: The coward’s guide to making your partner break up with you]
What is ghosting?
For those of you who aren’t familiar, ghosting is a method of cutting off communication with someone. Usually, it’s someone you went on a date or two with and things just didn’t work out. You don’t reply to their texts, you delete them off all social media, and you basically become a “ghost” to them.
The problem is that you leave them with a million questions in their mind and no way to get answers. They won’t have a clue what they did wrong and that will haunt them for a while. That’s why ghosting is a pretty callous thing to do for no good reason. [Read: What is ghosting and how does it affect you?]
When it is okay to ghost someone
While ghosting just because you can’t be bothered to speak to someone is a low blow, there are occasions when ghosting may be your only option. The times when it is appropriate to ghost someone are as follows:
1. When someone doesn’t get the hint
If you have tried not to ghost someone, but they aren’t taking the hint, even when you’ve been obvious, you may have no other choice. If you’ve told someone you’re not interested without beating around the bush and they sort of just ignore it, you can ghost.
At that point, it is no longer on you. [Read: Ways to deal with a complicated relationship]
2. When someone is cruel, aggressive, or offensive
If speaking to someone or dating them is making you feel uncomfortable or offended, you have every right to ghost them.
3. When they have ghosted you
If someone ghosted you and comes back from the dead as if nothing happened, you owe them nothing. You can ghost them right back. You don’t have to be polite, considerate, or respond to someone that disrespected you.
In this case, it isn’t mean, it’s necessary. [Read: Why do ghosts come back? An insight into the mind of a ghoster]
4. When you feel in danger
If you feel in danger in any way, shape or form, you do not owe this person an explanation. You are owed your safety. You can ghost, get out, flee without a word and it is okay. [Read: The scary signs you’re in a toxic relationship that’s breaking you]
How to ghost someone and get away clean
It takes a lot of skill to pull off ghosting someone without creating a fuss. In order to get away clean, there are definitely steps you must take first.
Here is everything you should do when ghosting someone in order to do it right.
1. Make sure that you really don’t want this person in your life
You can never come back from ghosting. It’s true! If you want to ghost this person, then you have to be completely certain you want nothing to do with them.
Think about it long and hard and be sure before you even start with this list. Even if you apologize, nothing will ever be the same. So picture your life without them, and accept how it will be. [Read: Signs you’re not ready to be dating]
2. Start distancing yourself from them
When you talk to them, hold back on details. Stop asking questions. Just create a distance between the two of you. This makes it much easier for you to ghost and it also makes it easier for them to accept.
When they feel like something is off, they’re more likely to understand the ghosting. This makes it much easier for you to get away clean because they won’t really have a leg to stand on. They might even understand why you did it.
3. Stop responding to one thing at a time
The thing about cutting it off cold turkey is that it makes people angry. The best way is to ease into it by ignoring them on certain platforms first. Not responding to their tags on Instagram or Facebook first is a great way to start.
That way, when you delete them off social media, they won’t notice as much. It makes the entire process seem more organic and less like you just decided to ghost them on a whim. [Read: How to ignore someone when you don’t want to talk]
4. Stand firm in your intention
If you give them so much as a hint that you’re still responsive, it’s all over. Once you decide that you’re officially in “ghosting” mode, don’t respond. No matter how many times they try to reach you, ignore it.
This can sometimes be hard because ghosting someone hurts them. They may come to you upset and they might want to fix things. Hold firm if you want to actually get rid of them.
This is a must. You may even have to block them. The best time to do this is after you’ve been silent on social media for a while and you’ve begun distancing yourself.
If they notice that you’ve deleted them, it might cause a stir. So be careful. [Read: 11 things couples should quit doing on social media]
6. Prepare for a backlash of some kind
The truth is, ghosting someone isn’t nice at all. It’ll make people upset. They’ll want to know what they did wrong and sometimes they’ll stop at nothing to get answers. So be prepared. [Read: Prepare for these 10 consequences of ghosting]
7. Letting go of feeling bad about it
If someone deserves to be ghosted, it is not your responsibility to care for their feelings or wonder how they’re feeling.
Right now, ghosting is your way out of something that isn’t good for you. It isn’t that you’re bored or just not into someone, you need to get out of this situation. It is unsafe, uncomfortable, or unhealthy.
Convince yourself that this has to be done. It isn’t the easy way, it is the only way out. Once you are able to confirm with yourself that you have made the healthiest choice for you, you can move forward. [Read: How to tell if someone doesn’t have empathy and what to do about it]
8. Once you make the decision, act
Now, if you’re in a bad situation and need out, ghosting should happen as soon as you make that choice. The more you hesitate, the harder it will be, the more likely you are to change your mind, and the more likely they are to catch on.
Make the decision, put your plan into action, and never try to un-ghost. [Read: The hoovering games narcissists play to suck you back in]
9. Find a support system, such as trusted friends or family
They will help you break away from this person and help keep them from you. If you let them know what you’re doing, they’ll know to do the same if this person tries to reach out to them.
Often, if you feel like ghosting is your only way out, you do not owe them an explanation. They know why you’re leaving. Focus on you, your safety, and your health.
Ghosting in the everyday situations that most people go through is selfish, juvenile, and cowardly. Ghosting someone in your situation however is strong, necessary, and heroic. [Read: How to be a good friend]
The types of people you just can’t ghost
Believe it or not, there are actually certain people you really just can’t ghost. Sometimes they’re too forward or they can become mildly crazy. They will keep hounding you until you answer.
In that case, you’ll need to be firm in your explanation of why you do not want to speak to or see this person again. Then, cut all ties. If you try to ghost these kinds of people, they’ll always find a way to haunt you in some way. [Read: All the signs of a possessive lover]
1. The possessive type
If you were seeing someone and they were the possessive type, ghosting them might be difficult. They’re probably a jealous kind of person that will be suspicious right when you start distancing yourself.
These types of people will definitely get upset and won’t fall for it. You’ll just have to confront them and break it off the old fashioned way. [Read: How to end a friendship – 10 traditional grownup steps]
2. Someone you were serious with
If you think you can just ghost someone you were in a long-term, serious relationship with, you’re crazy. There’s no way you’ll get away with it. This person knows you well. They even know your family.
The bottom line is that they deserve the respect of you ending things with a conversation instead of just disappearing.
3. Someone you have mutual friends with
To be honest, this is just nearly impossible and that’s why you can’t ghost them. If they know your friends and can talk to them about it, you’re screwed. Other people will start questioning you about why you’re not talking to them and it can get pretty messy.
No matter how you end things with someone you have mutual friends with, it’ll always be weird. You have to figure out how to do it in a way that doesn’t make your other friendships uncomfortable. [Read: Staying friends after a breakup – Can you actually make it work?]
4. The highly confrontational type
If the person you want to ghost is someone who has a habit of getting into arguments with people, don’t do it. When they’re highly confrontational, they’ll get really angry you’re ghosting them.
The best thing to do with this type is to keep your reasons short and sweet and then leave. At least that way you got the words out and won’t have to talk to them again. [Read: 14 valid reasons to break up with someone]
Ghosting is cruel, but sometimes there’s no other way
Never ghost someone who doesn’t deserve it. Cutting off communication without giving an answer as to why is nothing short of a nightmare for that person involved and pretty cowardly on your part. But, if you do feel like you have no other option, then ghosting is a good way to get out of a bad situation.
The one thing you have to remember is that at some random point in time, you may bump into them. In that case, how will you explain your ghosting if they’re still keen for a reason why?
It’s something you need to be prepared for, but if you’re pretty sure you can go all ghostly without ever being spotted, go for it.
[Read: 25 ways to end a relationship without making it messy]
Knowing the ins and outs of ghosting someone can really save you hardships down the road. If you’ve decided this is the answer for you, follow these tips on how to ghost someone and make it as painless as possible.
