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8 Dating Attitudes that Push Potential Partners Away

You may think it’s a great mystery that you’re still single, but is it really so hard to believe that that not everyone is turned on by what you do?

dating attitudes that push dates away

Have you ever wondered why you’re still single? Spent last evening wallowing over the fact that your overweight next door neighbor snagged a hot guy, and you’re spending Friday nights with Netflix? Ever questioned how the class clown ended up getting married to a carbon copy of Charlize Theron? They’re obviously playing the game right, whereas you are making a fool of yourself, fumbling, stumbling and dropping the ball.

The dating scene is a harsh and cold place. It pays way too much attention to first impressions, and you’re shit out of luck if you think you can change someone’s mind after messing up. People don’t have the time or patience to go on a second bad date, so there’s no denying that you have to be on your A-game during round one. As terrible as it is, that’s just how the world works, so if you’re single, don’t ask any questions and just roll with it.

Most of the time, you being single has nothing to do with your profession or what you look like. It usually has to do with your attitude. Potential partners couldn’t be bothered to deal with someone unpleasant. Sure, this is very subjective, but there’s no denying that there are certain traits that many find undesirable.

Dating habits that are keeping your single

If you are adamant in your belief that you’re doing everything right, think again. Here are 8 dating attitudes that will be sure to push potential partners away.

#1 Being overly aggressive. You may have a macho attitude or woman-on-top demeanor, but try not to be too aggressive when you’re on a date. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with grabbing the bull by the horns and taking control of certain situations, but don’t hijack anything. Not only will it intimidate your potential partner, it will also make you seem very selfish.

For example, I was on a date with a man who was rude to the hostess, because our table was not ready on time. Strike one. He then took it upon himself to order everything without bothering to ask if I had any cravings, if I was allergic to anything or even if I was fine with him ordering for me. Strike two. At the end of the date, he scoffed at me as I attempted to go Dutch. I clearly remember him cockily saying, “I’m the man here, so let me pay.” Strike three. [Read: 10 biggest dating turn offs for women]

#2 Making your desperation obvious. Another dating attitude that will be the sure death of your love life is making your desperation obvious. There’s something rather pathetic about it, and I’m not the only one who thinks so. You have to play the game a little and not give it away too quickly and easily. It’s totally normal to want to impress your date, but if you give off too much of a desperate vibe and let your date know that you’re trying too hard, he or she will assume that there’s something’s seriously wrong with you.

People jump to conclusions all the time, so if you’re desperate, you can expect your date to have thoughts such as, “If she’s all that, why’s she still single? There must be something lurking beneath the surface,” and, “He’s desperate and probably hasn’t gotten laid in a long time. I think I’ll pass on this one. I don’t want bad sex with a desperate dude.”

So what do you do? Just rein it in, play it cool, and you will notice just how much more in-demand you will be.

#3 Being fake. People can smell bullshit from a mile away, so play it safe and don’t be fake. Whether you’re trying to impress your date by spewing random super fan football facts or if you are just trying to be someone you’re not, it will work against you. Sure, it may take some people longer to catch on, but it’s only a matter of time before you’re found out. Just be yourself. If you can’t stand the real you, try being a better version of yourself, and all will be just fine. Anything beats being fake. [Read: 14 signs you’re unknowingly ruining your first date]

#4 Being late. You’ll be surprised at how much importance some people place on punctuality. I, for one, am one of them. There are millions of people who brush off potential partners, because of their tardiness. Sure, being late once is acceptable, twice is pushing it, but anything more than that and you deserve to be single. The way your date sees it, if you can’t even make the effort to be on time, you certainly won’t make the effort for other stuff.

#5 Bragging too much. It’s totally fine to be proud of your accomplishments, but be sure to inject some modesty into the mix. No one likes a self-centered individual who lives on cloud 9. It’s fine to fill your date in on your various accomplishments, but remember to ask them questions as well. If you spend the entire time talking about yourself, you’re going to come off as an insensitive snob. [Read: 40 first date questions for a great first date]

#6 Drinking too much. You’re not in college anymore, so what act like you are? The whole point of drinking in college was to get drunk, but now that you’ve progressed to adulthood, don’t drink to get drunk, and certainly don’t do it on a date. By now, you should know where your threshold lies, and if anything more than a couple of glasses will have you feeling lightheaded, just say no. Your date won’t judge you for it, and if you’re concerned about that happening, just say that you have an early day tomorrow and don’t want to overdo it.

The last thing you want is to come off as someone who can’t hold their liquor. Being red faced and spewing senseless slurs during a date is not very sexy, so don’t think that it’s okay to do it. Save the shots for the club with your friends.

#7 Being loud. Sure, if you’re at a hockey game or at a bar, it’s perfectly fine to get loud and crazy. However, if you’re at a nice restaurant, turn on the charm and class, will you? There’s no need to behave like a loud mouthed frat boy or classless bimbo when out on a date.

I have an acquaintance who has absolutely no control over her volume. I’ve asked her about it, and she says that someone once told her that her loud voice and laugh were adorable. She ran with it, and years later, her loudness is so deeply ingrained into her personality that it’s impossible to turn off. Oh, the horror. I’m not going to go so far as to say that her loudness is the reason that she’s single, but I bet I’m not very far off saying that it certainly chases away some great potential partners.

#8 Being distracted. Another dating attitude that will be sure to chase off potential mates is your inability to focus on your date. Distractions are all around us, and you have to learn to numb yourself to them. From televisions at sports bars to answering phone calls midway through dinner, be sure not to get too distracted by all the white noise around you. Remember that you’re out with a real live person, so be sure to turn off all devices and treat your date like you would a job interview. You won’t bust out your phone for a spot of texting during an interview, right?

As important as it is to be yourself when getting to know someone, it is also important that you exercise mindfulness. Don’t do or say anything that will insult them or put you in an awkward position.

[Read: 18 signs your date really likes you on your first date]

There’s a reason why you’re still single, so if you can pinpoint what you’re doing wrong and fix it, you can be sure that your next date will lead to another and another and maybe even a relationship. Do it right, and you won’t be single for much longer.

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Gemma Hsieh
Born in Singapore and raised in Canada to multi-racial parents, Gemma is a self-proclaimed travel and food junkie. Having traveled extensively around the world,...
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