Some movies depict affairs as messy, hurtful secrets, while others glorify the sexy sneaking done behind closed doors. So which one has it down pat?
Movies about affairs are becoming more and more popular in mainstream media. What is it about them that we enjoy watching? Is it secretly that we all like a bit of sneaky smut to pass our screens once in a while, or are we ourselves getting caught up in the fantasy of being with someone on the side?
Smut aside, would it surprise you to note that more than a few affair movies have been listed on a top romantic movies of all-time list? I’m no prude. I understand that there is a certain sexiness about secrecy, and that we all enjoy watching someone else’s life twist and turn as actors on a screen. But as someone who respects the sanctity of marriage and monogamy, I can’t help but grit my teeth when I see films ignore the realities of affairs. [Read: 9 sure ways to know you’re dating a cheater]
Is there some artistic integrity to romantic movies about affairs?
Of course, there are exceptions, but the following is a list of poorly portrayed aspects of affairs in movies and television.
#1 Affairs only show unbelievable sex. The passionate sex scenes shown in affair media usually share the following in common: it’s always hot, always super passionate, and always orgasm-worthy. Even those who have never had an affair know that affair sex is allegedly steamy. It’s wrong, it’s bad, it’s an adrenaline rush that gets your hormones moving.
But are we really supposed to believe it’s like that every single time? Not a session goes by when the woman doesn’t orgasm, or where the sex is an unfulfilling one-shot?
#2 We don’t root for the blindsided mate, because they are monsters. The unknowing mate presented in these films are usually portrayed as the “stupid-or-blind-wife” or the “overbearing-husband” that is obviously so wrong for our protagonist, so why root for them?
Indeed, the mate being cheated on is usually seen as the villain, keeping the star-crossed lovers apart. It’s true, there is usually something missing in a relationship when one party begins to stray, but why is it that the cheating protagonist is always portrayed as the wronged husband or wife who needs to seek the comfort of another person? [Read: 25 honest reasons why women cheat so easily]
#3 The affair is their true love. Affair movies make the mistake of showing the event to be about love. While some affairs have turned into loving relationships, and even marriages, many, many affairs have more to do with having one’s ego stroked, rather than having one’s life completed.
Much like showing that the protagonist’s current partner is a monster waiting to attack, the new love-interest is often portrayed as the hero’s real and true love. This is not how real life works, however. Sometimes, people don’t have affairs because their mates are jerks, they just sleep around due to this simple fact: they can. [Read: 18 glaring signs that it’s an emotional affair]
#4 Why not just leave? We’ve already established that affairs in movies are usually lovers who were truly meant to be together, so why not just leave their current mates? I’ve always told my past boyfriends that if they are going to cheat, at the very least I’d deserve a breakup text right beforehand.
I wouldn’t have cared if he was in the midst of throwing the condom on to bang her: break up with me first! I’d rather be dumped than screwed over. However, the sneaking around is what makes affairs so tantalizing, and telling the truth doesn’t often make for good TV. [Read: 10 simple reasons men cheat on great women]
#5 STDS don’t exist. Apparently in media, sexually transmitted diseases are non-existent, or simply not taken into consideration. Condoms or birth control are not talked about, as would be the case if these were mature adults embarking into a sexual relationship. What if the cheater brings home a nasty genital surprise? Who cares? It’s television, right?
#6 What about the kids? I often applaud affair storylines in media that take the children into consideration, because they often aren’t. When you become a parent, your decisions are no longer about you. Your affair no longer hurts only you and your partner, but it effects your children’s psyche and personal and romantic development for quite literally the rest of their lives.
#7 Despite all this, there are still affair films that make you think. Not all affair movies are so blind. For example, the Zach Braff film “The Last Kiss” opens up a wonderful tool of communication between partners once the viewing is over. In the film, Braff’s character is in a committed relationship with his pregnant girlfriend, but ends up kissing a young college girl. He confesses to his girlfriend, and she throws him out after a raging argument. He goes to the other woman’s dorm and they have sex. Within the next few days, his girlfriend decides to take him back.
“All you did was kiss her?” she asks. The moment seems to freeze in time, almost begging you to ask your partner what they would do. Do you tell your partner the whole truth, or do you accept their forgiveness and try to move on? Moreover, if their affair only happened once, would you want to know about it? Movies such as this show both the sexy and the traumatic result of having an affair, as well as open communication for the audience. [Read: 10 painful realities of being “the other woman”]
Life is messy, and with high divorce rates and the ease in which the Internet allows us to cheat, it’s no wonder affairs in the media are gaining popularity. Regardless if you enjoy a little innocent fun in front of the television screen, try to use what you’re watching as a way to communicate with your mate what you would do in such a situation.
