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9 Love Lessons “He’s Just Not That Into You” Taught Me

After reading and watching “He’s Just Not That Into You,” I’ve learned that in love and relationships, things are usually exactly what they seem to be.

he's just not that into you

Many of us can’t, or don’t, accept things, especially when referring to dating, simply because we don’t like the outcome. We always want what we can’t have. For some reason, when it comes to our own relationships, we have a much harder time trusting that “voice of reason,” and believing the signs that always end up right in front of us. Or maybe we just choose not to see them. Or accept them. Probably both.

So we ignore all the signs, even when they are signs so big that they are practically waving in our faces. And where does this lead us? Usually to denial, then eventually to that realization that it’s time to stop with the delusions and accept reality for what it is.

Love lessons from “He’s Just Not That Into You”

This movie should be like a crash course for people who are jaded in the dating world. With an all-star cast and a wide array of stories to tell, it’s quite easy to find a love lesson nestled within the scenes. Here are some of those lessons.

#1 You are good enough. A healthy, good, real relationship isn’t one that makes you feel exhausted all the time, and it definitely isn’t one that makes you ever feel guilty for just being you. You are good enough. You are always good enough. And if you’re in a relationship that makes you feel anything less, then your relationship is neither healthy nor good for you. [Read: 11 tips to fall in love with yourself and be a better you]

#2 Forever shouldn’t take forever. There is no rulebook, or relationship bible that defines an exact amount of time that a relationship should take place for the two of you to get engaged and live happily ever after together. But there is a thing called common sense, and it’s not rocket science to realize if you want to be with someone forever or not.

If you’ve been in a relationship for over 5 years, you should definitely know if you plan on spending the rest of your life with each other. If you are in a relationship and your partner can’t seem to make up his mind on whether you’re the one or not, then you should not waste any more of your precious time.

If a guy really loves you, and wants to be with you, he’ll not put your relationship and emotions on a see-saw, always up and down and up and down, letting you constantly wonder if forever is for real. [Read: 14 undeniable signs he wants to spend his life with you]

#3 You don’t compete. Dating may sometimes feel like a competition, but it shouldn’t be. Maybe you’re vying for the attention of a guy, but then you realize that he might be into someone else, don’t give in to the temptation to compete with the other woman. If he gives off signs that he’s into someone else or that he’s not that into you, don’t take it as a challenge: take it as a cue to go. [Read: 15 toxic relationships you should watch out for]

#4 Don’t overthink. It’s so common for us to come up with all sorts of crazy explanations for something so simple. The most common scenario would be having a guy not call you back, and you thinking that his phone might be stolen or he might be in trouble, when in fact, he’s just not interested. We’ve all done this. We don’t want to accept the fact that we are being rejected.

#5 Don’t wander. Who knows why people cheat. There are so many reasons as to why people cheat, but one very obvious reason is because of accessibility and ego. So many people cheat on their significant others, not because they wanted to or felt unwanted and unappreciated at home, but simply because they can. And they give in, and have moments of weakness, because they only think about themselves.

When you are in a mature and healthy relationship, it doesn’t matter if the most beautiful creature were to be in front of you. You wouldn’t cheat, and your guy wouldn’t cheat. When you’re in love, no force on earth would be strong enough to drive you to cheat.

#6 Sex isn’t a chore. Doing the dishes, laundry, making the bed, cleaning the bathroom… these are all chores. But being intimate with your partner should never, ever feel like a chore. If you are with someone that you love, and want to be with, and who wants to be with you, then sex shouldn’t feel like an obligation. It should feel like an activity that brings couples closer together.

#7 If he likes you, he won’t forget your name. In the movie, Drew Barrymore’s character likes a guy who happens to be a musician, and leaves her a romantic voicemail singing her a song. However, after she hears his serenade voicemail, she realizes he left her another one. She then realizes that it was intended for another girl, and he sings the exact same song on the voicemail, but with the other girl’s name in the lyrics.

Point being, when a guy really likes you, he won’t sing you the same song that he’s already done for his other girls. And most importantly, he won’t have other girls! He’ll have you, he’ll want you, and he’ll never ever confuse your telephone number or name with any other girls ever. Period. [Read: 20 signs of attraction in the first conversation]

#8 Love isn’t always a game. When we play the dating game too often, we may sometimes find ourselves playing with someone who’s not there to play, but is instead there to find real, genuine love. With all the things we see in the media and in real life, we always feel like we need to have our emotional defenses up all the time, for fear of being “played.”

The problem with this is that we may end up closing our hearts to the people who aren’t looking to play the game. And if you’d just trust them and allow yourself to believe in the possibility that not everyone is out to hurt you, you may find that this person is the one who can make you genuinely happy.

#9 It’s okay to make mistakes. Relationships are a matter of trial and error. We make a mistake, we learn, and then we apply what we learn in the future. There’s really no better teacher than experience, and experience can be pretty cruel.

Sometimes, we really don’t even realize that a great guy or girl is standing right in front of us, until they get fed up with us and walk away. Sometimes, we don’t realize that we’re dating a jerk, until that one moment when we finally come to our senses. Sometimes, we keep pushing someone away, only to realize that we’ve pushed away our one chance at real love. [Read: 10 types of love you’ll experience in your life]

When it comes to dating and relationships, we want what we can’t have. We want attention and to not feel obligated to give it. We want to know we are wanted, and we ignore those we don’t want. We want commitment without the responsibility. We want security without having to secure anything. We want transparency, but we also want to keep our own little secrets.

But when you are in a relationship that makes you really happy, and makes your partner happy, you forget all the above, and all you think about is the other person. When you are with someone for all the right reasons, you forget about all the reasons something might not work, and you only focus on the reasons why it will.

“He’s Just Not That Into You” has taught me a whole bunch of lessons, as seen through the painfully accurate and entertainingly hilarious experiences of various couples. It’s a movie that may seem unrealistic, but when you’ve been in the dating world for so long, you’d see that these scenarios are actually plausible!

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Charley Reid
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